You say the woman is a woman, a...how do you...housewife. Never do you mention she is, for real, a tiger.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
But what I'm dealing with is the fact that the blood on your entry floor is different than the blood type we have on record for you.
Records? Those...y'know, I heard a man went into the hospital in St. Paul for a kidney transplant and he ended up with someone else's brain.
No way!
Yah!
TJAgent Tony Joaquin
We're new in the Fargo office. We thought we'd come by and see why you aren't enforcing any of our laws.
What laws?
TJAgent Tony Joaquin
Oh, you know, gun laws, drug laws, any of the half-dozen other American laws passed and ratified by the United States government that you don't seem to recognize.
Well, Agent Ja-Queen, I think you'll find that there is no one on God's green earth who is a greater enforcer of the laws of this land than Roy Tillman.
MAgent Meyer
Why do I feel like there's a "but" here?"
But...what you need to know is that I am the law of the land. Elected by the residents of this county to interpret and enforce the Constitution given unto us by Almighty God.
Freedom.
Amen.
[dropping her Minnesota accent] Listen, bitch. I've climbed through six kinds of hell to get where I am and no Ivy League royal wannabe is gonna run me off just because she doesn't like the way I smell. If you want to tussle with me, you better sleep with both eyes open because nobody takes what's mine and lives. [bringing back her Minnesota accent] Anyhoo! Thanks for stopping by. Dinner Sunday? I'll bring my blue salad.
I live here now.
GWGun World Clerk
Arr! Welcome to Gun World! How can I help ye?
I like your eyepatch.
GWGun World Clerk
[dropping pirate accent] Actually, that's, uh, that's a hunting accident.
Asshole. I'm a winner. I'm a winner. I'm a winner. I am a winner. I'm a fucking winner. I'm a winner. I'm a winner. I'M A WINNER!
Last chance. Tell me what you took.
You don't know? I took your mama out for dinner. She gave out that ass like a coupon on coupon day.
What is your function?
Excuse me?
The police. I mean, why do we need you except as a tool to keep a certain element in line? To separate those who have - money, class, intellect - from those who don't. You're gatekeepers standing outside the walls keeping the rabble from getting in. But in here, inside these walls, you have no function. You should remember that.
Well, old friend, it's the crossroads, no question. We know who's waiting there. The midnight man with his serpent tongue. I met him once. Old Baylor Maze cut his children to pieces and hung his wife with a curtain tie, and I was first through the door. And old Baylor was sitting there in his easy chair taking it easy. Behind him, I swear - and you know this 'cause you were there, too - Beelzebub himself, crouched low, whispering in that poor man's ear. You protected me then, old friend. Be with us again in our hour of need. Amen.
It starts as an itch. "I want a new pair of shoes" or maybe the minivan finally gives up the ghost. And just like that you're in debt.
It's good to see you again, Mrs. Lyon.
That...That's not accurate.
Ah, well, first of all, I recognize you. And second, we pulled the security tape from the Gas N' Go, so it's clear you were there. And for the record, that's just reality.
With all due respect, we've got our own reality.
You can't...That's not a thing.
When Munch was a boy, freedom was a potato. It was you didn't get killed today. Freedom from hunger, from the rusty blade. But to free himself, the man ate first so others could not. He killed before he was killed. He wanted nothing more because only kings had the freedom to want. But now everywhere you look, you see kings. Everything they want, they call their own, and if they cannot have it, they say that they are not free. They even pretend their freedom should be free, that it has no cost, but the cost is always death. Life for life. Me or you.
IIrma
Please. I don't understand. Why are you here? What do you want?
Pancakes.
My great-grandfather's name was Roy. Indian killer. Fought in the Battle of Big Mound, Dead Buffalo Lake. Lost an ear in the Battle of the Badlands. He's the only American to earn four Medals of Honor. Now he was one of the good ones. Me, I try to be. You...not so much, I think. You're what we call a waste of skin. Defective. Eating our food, breathing our air, wasting precious resources.
NNarrator
The tiger, spelled T-I-G-E-R, is one of the fiercest hunters on Earth. Known for its cunning and strategic mind, the tiger is most dangerous when cornered. Though it may look like the tiger has given up, this is, in fact, a ruse. Look closer. Even now, she plans an escape. The female, or lady tiger, can outsmart even the most skilled hunters. She is a literal genius when it comes to saving her young and protecting her mate. The tiger has been known to set traps to ensnare her pursuers, thus the popular colloquialism: "Do not hunt the tiger unless you want the tiger catching you." Only the tiger shark is a more dangerous foe, though the tiger shark - or any kind of shark, really - would suffocate in a hospital setting.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Fargo pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.