Quagmire and Dan in “Quagmire's Dad”

Quagmire

Dad... Are you gay?

What?

Quagmire

Are you gay, Dad?!

No, Glenn. Of course not.

Quagmire

Just tell me the truth!

I am telling you the truth. Now, calm down. You're ruining this ball. You know how much I love balls.

Quagmire

Oh, come on. That's not helping.

Glenn, you have my word. I'm not gay.

Quagmire

You promise?

I promise.

Quagmire

All right. I believe you.

But I am a woman trapped in a man's body, and, while I'm in Quahog, I plan to have a sex-change operation.

Quagmire

[stunned] Oh, come on. Just be gay.