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69 QUOTES

A character in Elementary

Holmes quotes from Elementary

69 quotes · page 3 of 5

3rd most-quoted character in Elementary: in 69 of its 298 quotes
Most scenes with: Joan Watson (53), Det. Marcus Bell (3), Capt. Thomas Gregson (2)

Scenes with Holmes 61

VNVictor Nardin

I don't kill those people! Okay?

[Holmes walks into the interrogation room, holding an orange.]

Victor Nardin, think fast!

[He throws it into Nardin's face.]

What are you doing?!

HHolmes

This man is innocent. Detective Bell, a word, please?

NNardin

Why he hit me?

[following Holmes out] Hey, stay right there!

[A moment later, in Gregson's office.]

So you assault our perp with an orange, and that has you convinced he's innocent?

[Holmes and Watson are watching Bell interview a suspect.]

You don't look convinced.

HHolmes

Bomb building is a dangerous venture. It requires patience, precision, attention to detail. Mr. Jacobs' wristwatch is nine minutes slow, and his fly is three-quarters down. That doesn't scream "detail-oriented".

Ted Kaczynski looked like a hobo puked another hobo. He managed to hurt plenty of people.

HHolmes

And point taken.

HHolmes

(examining a body) No shell casings,, no skull fragments, no gray matter. He was killed elsewhere and then dumped here.

Yeah, tell me something I don't know.

HHolmes

A pig's orgasm lasts up to thirty minutes.

(in the victim's office) Appointment book. Maybe it'll tell us what he got up to last night.

HHolmes

Unlikely he would notate trips to an underground Chinese gambling parlor.

Excuse me?

HHolmes

That's what he was doing last night.

I know you're just waiting for me to ask you why you think that.

(pause)

Why do you think that?

HHolmes

I'm glad you asked!

(later)

HHolmes

Mah-jongg tiles come in pairs, why would he hold on to one of each?

Because these tiles aren't for playing. They're membership cards to underground casinos. Aren't you gonna ask me how I knew that?

(Holmes just stares.)

Fine, whatever.

I texted you. You didn't have to come.

HHolmes

As I explained the other day, there's nothing more hazardous to my health than boredom. Besides, I thought it might be nice to meet the ex.

I'm pretty sure he's not going to show.

HHolmes

And here you sit.

I'll give him ten more minutes. If there's someplace else you have to be...

HHolmes

Not tonight, Watson. Not tonight.

[Watson, bemused, greets one and then two half-dressed women (identical twins) emerging from Sherlock's bedroom, followed by Sherlock himself.]

HHolmes

If you must know, Watson, the Lynch sisters and I share a mutually beneficial relationship.

If I must know? I didn't ask.

HHolmes

I need to study the differences that arise between two people with the same genetic material - in the Lynches' case, there are seven major ones - and they get-

I... didn't... ask!

MEMicah Erlich

If you know our work, you know that we introduced a new flagship product in 2009, "The Leviathan."

HHolmes

Yes, the safe that you marketed as "impregnable." Did you people learn nothing from the Titanic?

HHolmes

It's obvious what happened: one of the original team sold the recipe for breaching The Leviathan to an outside party.

That's obvious?

HHolmes

When you've eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, is the truth.

And what's impossible here is that you couldn't break into the safe but someone else could. In other words, you are the smartest man in the world. [pause] I'm waiting for you to challenge me and say that's ridiculous.

I put a lock code on here to prevent you from sending out texts!

HHolmes

I was hired to breach The Leviathan. Did you really think I wouldn't be able to get into your phone?

I know you're going to blow this off, but I'm going to say it anyway: thank you. I've never been able to make my family understand what I do.

HHolmes

Yes, well I meant very little of what I said.

There's the blowing off part.

HHolmes

I know my audiences; I simply told them what they wanted to hear. They're nice people, your family, but they are, at their core, conventional. You make an effort to appear conventional, but I know, Watson, that you share my love of all that is bizarre and outside the humdrum routine of ordinary life. Your family will never understand this, so I gave them some words that they would understand.

HHolmes

I suppose being proven right is the best gift of all. There was no genius who independently cracked the Leviathan. It was a question of copying the original team.

So that means you still might be the smartest person in the world.

HHolmes

I would never suggest that.

Really? I think that's the first time I've ever heard you say anything remotely modest.

HHolmes

That's not modesty. There's just no reliable way to test the hypothesis.

How do you deal with cases not working out the way you want them to?

HHolmes

The only promise a puzzle makes is an answer. Liking the answer doesn't factor in; in our line of work, it mustn't.

HHolmes

I'm quite proud of you, Watson. Your doggedness. I give you as much credit for solving this case as I do myself.

Thanks.

HHolmes

No wonder you're so keen to be my associate.

Sherlock --

HHolmes

As I proposed the other day, you can tell my father I've hit a bit of a rough patch. He'll keep the checks coming and you can continue to hone your skills.

I took another job this morning. I work with other therapists and I was referred to another client, so I'll be starting with him next week after you and I wrap up.

HHolmes

I see. I'm usually quite good with deductions.

Are you okay?

HHolmes

My dear Watson, whenever am I not?

It's funny, when I moved in, you didn't mention anything about your little uhh, surveillance system.

HHolmes

This is my sanctum sanctorum. Did you honestly believe there wouldn't be security measures?

OK, is that M (gestures to a photo)? You told a bunch of children to go to upscale hotels to look for him, why?

HHolmes

Note the hands, vintage MG driving gloves. Quite expensive, but not nearly as expensive as his John Varvatos shoes. M has money. That much is obvious. He's also a recent immigrant to New York. Why did I assume he'd be in a hotel as oppose to a property he might own? Well it's quite simple, I noted a curious scent on the note that he left. I quickly realized it was, in fact, a combination of scents. Those of the high end hand soap and an even higher end mint based shampoo. Each product is used by various upscale hotels around the city but only one chain, The Bettancourt, stocks both. My attendants and I each took a Bettancourt and watched for M.

Right, that's all very impressive, but I wanna know why you shared a photo of a wanted serial killer with a bunch of kids instead of going to the NYPD.

HHolmes

Several weeks ago you learned of the existence of a woman named Irene Adler. I told you she died.

M killed her.

HHolmes

Obviously he realized the degree to which I was assisting the British police in the hunt to find him. He zeroed in on me, made things personal. As to why I'm withholding information from the NYPD, it's quite simple. I have no intention of capturing M. I have every intention of torturing, and murdering him.

MMoran

I knew you'd make the right decision. You're a rare thing in this world, Holmes. You're an honorable man.

HHolmes

A famous statistician once stated that while the individual man is an insoluble puzzle, in the aggregate he becomes a mathematical certainty. You can, for example, never foretell what any one man will do, but you can, with precision, say what an average man will do. Individuals vary, percentages remain constant. So says the statistician. I... am not an average man. (stabs Moran)

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