Jamie McCrimmon quotes from Doctor Who

Jamie

It's you! The Phantom Piper!

Jamie

[seeing an aeroplane at Gatwick Airport]: Ooh, it's a flyin' beastie!

Jamie

[to The Doctor] Anyone would think that it's a little game, and it's not. People have died. The Daleks are all over, fit to murder the lot of us, and all you can say is that you've had a good night's work. Well, I'm telling you this, we're finished. You're just too callous for me. Anything goes by the board, anything at all. You don't give that much for a living soul except yourself. Just whose side are you on?

There we are! In perfect flight!

Polly

Oh, and look what happened last time!

Oh, and all that a lot of fuss, it was just a bumpy landing, that's all, it won't happen again!

I know...

Ben

What are you up to now?

Let's have a look at the time scanner.

Polly

The what?

The time scanner! Instead of showing us a normal picture of where we are, it, gives us a glimpse of the future.

Jamie

A second sight? Very dangerous...

Oh, nonsense! I, haven't used it much, it's, not very reliable as you can see..

Polly

Doctor... LOOK!

[protesting against something] I... I will tell them. I will tell them. I... I'll do what you say. K-keep away. Don't touch me! I-I'll obey!

Jamie

What's that? What's happening!

Polly

Doctor, that was it? that thing in the picture! That was the claw! They're in control.

Take them out of here. They are condemned to the pits!

Polly

Macra!

Take them away!

Polly

They're in control!!!

Jamie

What's a passport?

Some sort of official mambo jambo.

The Emperor Dalek

The experiment is over?

Yes. I have implanted the human factor in the three Daleks that you gave me.

When I say "run", - run!

The Emperor Dalek

Speak louder!

I was merely telling my friend that the day of the Daleks is coming to an end.

The Emperor Dalek

Explain.

It's very simple. Somewhere in the Dalek race there are three Daleks with the "Human Factor". Gradually, they will come to question. They will persuade other Daleks to question. You will have a rebellion on your planet!

The Emperor Dalek

No!

I say, yes! I've beaten you, and I don't care what you do to me now!

The Emperor Dalek

Silence. The "Human Factor" showed us what the "Dalek Factor" was.

[his "triumphant" face falling] What?

Jamie McCrimmon

Well, what does that mean?

The Emperor Dalek

Without knowing, you have shown the Daleks what their own strength is.

While you were doing one thing, they were really making you do another.

The Emperor Dalek

The "Human Factor" is useless.

You still have those three Daleks to contend with.

The Emperor Dalek

They will be impregnated with the "Dalek Factor". Your discovery, but your work is not over.

I won't work for you!

The Emperor Dalek

You will obey!

Jamie McCrimmon

What is the "Dalek Factor"?

You want me to guess? It means to obey, to fight, to destroy, to exterminate. I won't do it.

The Emperor Dalek

Watch!

Jamie McCrimmon

The TARDIS, Doctor!

The Emperor Dalek

You will take the "Dalek Factor". You will spread it to the entire history of Earth!

There we are! Well, what do you think?

Victoria

I don't know... I can't believe it! [The Doctor chuckles] It's so big! Where are we?

Well it's the TARDIS! It's my home! At least it has been for a considerable number of years...

Victoria

What are all these knobs?

What, these? [Flicks a panel of levers] Instruments.

Jamie

These are for controlling our flight.

Victoria

[Laughs] Flight?!

Jamie

Well, yes! You see, we travel around in here through time and space!

Oh, no, no, no, no, don't laugh, it's true! Your father and Maxtible were working on the same problem! But I have, perfected a, rather special model, that allows me to travel through the universe of time.

Victoria

How can you? I mean, if what you say is true, then you must be about, well.... how, old..?

Well, if we counted Earth terms, I suppose I must be about 400.... yes, about 450 years old! Quite...

Now, I think Victoria might find that dress a little impractical if she's going to join us on our adventures. Jamie, show her where she can find some new ones.

Jamie

Oh, aye, it's this way.

Jamie

And try to give us a smooth takeoff Doctor, we don't want to frighten her.

A smooth takeoff...? A SMOOTH TAKEOFF? WHAT A NERVE! [He dematerialises the TARDIS, clearly annoyed with what Jamie had said]

You look very nice in that dress, Victoria.

Victoria

Thank you. Don't you think it's a bit...

A bit short? Oh, I shouldn't worry about that. Look at Jamie's.

Jamie

[offended] Hey, I'll have you know that- [looks at his kilt] Oh, aye.

Jamie, I hope you made those ropes secure.

Jamie

Oh, the King of the Beasties himself couldnae get out of that one.

Good.

Jamie, remind me to give you a lesson in tying knots, sometime.

Jamie

Have you thought up some clever plan, Doctor?

Yes, Jamie, I believe I have.

Jamie

What are you going to do?

Bung a rock at it.

Red state emergency. Evacuation phase three. Phase three evacuate. Transport section leaders report now. Phase three evacuation.

Something's wrong.

Victoria

It seems safe enough.

We're discovered. [She pins labels on the travellers] Oh, thank you.

Jamie

Thank you. Excuse me, miss, I'm Jamie McCrimmon, do you think you could tell us where we are?

She doesn't want to know, Jamie.

Victoria

Hey, this says we're on evacuation flight seven.

That's rather inhospitable. We've only just arrived.

Jamie

Hey, and this tag, it says I'm a scavenger. And yours does too! Here, we're not beggars.

Hush, Jamie.

Victoria

What is it, Doctor?

It sounds like electronic machinery. Like a computer. But there's something wrong with its pitch.

Victoria

Oh, no. Now look, it might be dangerous. Now let's leave it.

No.

Victoria

Doctor.

[Smiles mischievously] Let's go in!

Jamie

Victoria?

Victoria

What?

Jamie

Did you see how those lassies were dressed?

Victoria

Yes, I did. And trust you to think of something like that.

Jamie

Well, I couldn't help thinking about it.

Victoria

Well, I think it's disgusting, wearing that kind of… thing.

Jamie

Oh, aye, so it is, so it is. You, eh, you don't see yourself dressed like that then?

Victoria

Jamie!

Jamie

Oh, I'm sorry. It was, eh, just an idea.

Victoria

We will now change the subject, please. I want to look at this man.

However, the suspected presence of an alien spacecraft must be investigated, in case of potentially fissionable material.

Jamie

Spacecraft! Hey, do you reckon that's where the warrior's gone back to?

Well he didn't come by Shetland Pony, Jamie.

I can't see anything.

Jamie

Over there, by the trees. Hey, he's armed, too. Get down. Look, I'm going out there, you stay down here. When the rest of the guards come, send them out after me.

Yes, all right. [Jamie goes into the garden] This is just about the end of a perfect day. [A shot rings out] Hey, I know the food's bad, but you don't have to go that far! [More shots, and Griffin hides under the kitchen table] All right, have it your own way! Why did I ever leave Wollamaloo?