The Master quotes from Doctor Who

You could take the usual precautions...sticky tape on the windows, that sort of thing.

[trying to operate the partially dismantled TARDIS] Overweight, underpowered and a museum piece. No proper stabiliser. Oh... let's try again. Might as well try to fly a second hand gas stove.

I only need two things. Your submission and your obedience to MY WILL!

You do not understand hatred as I understand it. Only hate keeps me alive. Why else should I endure this pain?

A new body, at last!

Doctor, help me! I'll give you anything in creation! [The Doctor doesn't move] Would you show no mercy to your own-

MY people's, salutations this, the eve of war, lovely woman. But I know there's all sorts of whispers down there, stories of a child walking the earth, giving you hope. But I ask you, how much hope has this man got? [He brings The Aged Doctor forwards] Say hello, Gandalf. Except, he's not that old. He's an alien, with a much greater lifespan than you, stunted little apes! What if I suspend your capacity, to Regenerate, all 900 years of your life, Doctor, if we can see them. [He starts aging The Doctor again, With everyone looking, Captain Jack eyeing the screen in terror.]

I'm not sure how to describe what I found... Pulverized? Burned? Nuked? All of the above. Someone destroyed it. Our home, razed to the ground. Everyone killed. Everything burned.

If you're seeing this, you've been to Gallifrey. When I said "someone" did that, obviously I meant... I did. I had to make them pay for what I discovered. They lied to us. The founding fathers of Gallifrey... everything we were told was a lie. We're not who we think. You or I, the whole existence of our species, built on the lie of the Timeless Child.

Do you see it? It's buried deep in all our memories, in our identity. [sighs] I'd tell you more, but... [bitterly] But why would I make it easy for you? It wasn't for me.

Good entrance, am I right? Be afraid, Doctor. Because everything is about to change. Forever.

Mister Farrel tells me you've changed the mix. What right have you got to interfere? Do you know you've ruined a whole day's production?

You call this ruined?

Well, it's the wrong color and the wrong texture. Of course it's ruined!

You don't appreciate its full potential, do you?

Look and I don't want to. It doesn't meet our specification.

This plastic has got unique properties, Mister McDermott. Allow me to demonstrate. [Throws the plastic on the floor and snaps his fingers]

It's unique, right enough. So, er, you're a magician as well as a Colonel, eh?

I am many things!

What are you watching?

It seems to be a rather interesting extraterrestrial life form.

[looks over at the TV] Only puppets, you know? For children.

Oh. [Turns off the TV]

Chief Sea Devil

This is our planet. My people ruled the Earth when man was only an ape.

Your people went into hibernation and abandoned Earth to its fate.

Chief Sea Devil

Our astronomers predicted that a great catastrophe would end all life on the face of the Earth.

Yes, but the catastrophe that you predicted never happened. And the apes that you left behind on the surface to die became man.

Chief Sea Devil

You know our history?

Yes. Yes, I've encountered your people before. That is why I want to prevent a conflict that can only end in your destruction.

Chief Sea Devil

We shall destroy man and reclaim the planet. Already we have begun to sink his ships.

Yes, and already more ships are being sent to hunt you down.

Chief Sea Devil

The submarine? We have captured it.

You may win a few victories to begin with but eventually you're bound to lose.

Chief Sea Devil

There are many thousands of our people in hibernation in this base. We have other colonies hidden all round the world. We shall be the victors in the war against mankind.

But there's no need for a war! Why can't you share the planet?

Chief Sea Devil

That would be impossible.

The depths of the sea and those areas on Earth where man cannot live can be yours.

Chief Sea Devil

And man would agree to that?

There's a chance. Wouldn't it be better to try for a peace, than to launch yourself into a war that you cannot possibly win?

Chief Sea Devil

I will consider what you have said.

Let me return to the humans, and I will endeavour to make a peace for you.

Chief Sea Devil

Perhaps it would be possible...

No! The Doctor is your deadly enemy! He must be destroyed!

Once they see that the device works properly, they'll release me.

I very much doubt it. You see, before you reactivated it, I reversed the polarity of the neutron flow.

You did what?! You realise what will happen?!

Oh, yes. Do you?

Well, there'll be a massive reverse feedback into their whole power system.

Exactly. In about ten minutes from now, the whole place should go up. Enjoy your revenge.

Put your hands in the air, both of you. Get them up. Now turn around slowly. Slowly.

Well, well, well. The resourceful Sergeant Benton.

You didn't really think you could fool me with a fake telephone call, did you? It's the oldest trick in the book.

I underestimated you, Sergeant. How did you know?

Simple. The Brigadier's not in the habit of calling Sergeants "my dear fellow".

Ah. The tribal taboos of army etiquette. I find it difficult to identify with such primitive absurdities.

Yes, well, primitive or not, mate, you're still in the soup without a ladle, aren't you.

Now, Sergeant, you must let me explain.

Keep back! Keep back.

Yes, of course.

Keep back.

Of course, Sergeant. You see, Sergeant Benton, the whole point is that... Doctor! What a very timely...

You're wrong, Sergeant Benton! That is the oldest trick in the book!