Ace quotes from Doctor Who

Ace

Do you feel like arguing with a can of deodorant that registers nine on the Richter scale?

Ace

I want to nail those scumbags, I want to make them very, very unhappy!

Ace

It was your show all along, wasn't it, Professor?

Ace

And the half-time score: Perivale: 600 million; rest of the universe: nil.

Would the emergency services please report to the docking bay to deal with an icing up. Thank you.

It's all your fault.

Ace

How'd you work that out?

You were encouraging them. "Oh, ace! Oh, brill!"

You girl. [Ace looks behind her] Yes, you, girl. Come here.

Ace

What do you want?

This milkshake isn't adequately shaken.

Ace

That's how they come, missus.

It's got lumps in it.

It's supposed to have lumps in it. That's the ice cream.

But we don't want lumps. Shake it some more.

Ace

Shake it yourself.

[offended] I beg your pardon?

Ace

You heard.

I've never been so insulted...

Ace

Bet you've never had a milkshake tipped over your head, neither.

I'm awfully sorry, Madam. [turns to Ace] That does it, you're fired!

Ace

I'm sorry. It won't happen again.

Get out! I've had enough of you!

Ace

I promise, it will never happen again!

Get out! You two, out!

Me?

Both of you, out!

All right, I'm going!

You're troublemakers! Hooligans! [turns back to the woman] I do apologise for my staff. I do assure you, those milk shakes don't stain.

Ace! Where d'you think you're going?

Ace

[miserable] Perivale...

Ah yes, but by which route? The direct route with Glitz? Or the scenic route? [Ace begins to smile] Well, do you fancy a quick trip around the twelve galaxies and then back to Perivale in time for tea?

Ace

[jumps for joy] ACE!

[suddenly stern, he holds up three fingers] But there are three rules! One: I'm in charge.

Ace

Whatever you say, Professor!

[holding up two fingers] Two: I'm not 'the Professor', I'm the Doctor!

Ace

Whatever you want!

And the third... [he suddenly smiles] Well, I'll think up the third by the time we get back to Perivale. [they smile at each other]

[looking at an unmarked van with a rotating antenna] Strange...

Ace

Oi, Professor, can we get something to eat now?

You're not carrying any Nitro-9 explosives in there?

Ace

No.

What do you make of that van?

Ace

Dunno. TV detector van?

No. Wrong type of aerial. And for this time period, that's a very sophisticated piece of equipment.

Ace

What's so sophisticated about that rig? I've seen better aerials on a CV.

Aim for the eyepiece! Ace, give me some of that Nitro-9 that you're not carrying! Quickly. [takes two cans of Nitro-9 from Ace's backpack] And another!

Ace

That's my last can!

I should hope so, too! How long, the fuze?

Ace

Ten seconds!

That's long enough.

Ace

These dayleks...

Daleks.

Ace

Oh, Daleks, where are they from?

From Skaro, at least originally. They're the mutated remains of a species called the Kaleds. Left here.

Ace

Why were they left here?

No, turn left here!

Ace

Oh, right.

No left, you missed the turning!

Ace

What turn? Where?

Why don't you concentrate on where you're going?!

Ace

Look, I'm doing the best I can! If you don't like it, you drive!

The Kaleds were at war with the Thals. They had a dirty nuclear war. The resulting mutations were then accelerated by their chief scientist, Davros. What he created he then placed in a metal war machine, and that's how the Daleks came about.

Ace

So that metal thing had a creature inside controlling it?

Exactly. And ever since the Daleks were created, they've tried to conquer and enslave as much as the universe as they can get their grubby little protuberances on.

Ace

And now they want to conquer the Earth.

Nothing so mundane. They conquer the Earth in the 22nd century. No. They want the Hand of Omega.

Ace

What's that?

One thing at a time, Ace.

Ace

You were expecting these Daleks, weren't you?

Yes, they're following me.

Ace

I wouldn't be so pleased if I had a bunch of Daleks on my case.

You can always judge a man by the quality of his enemies.

What do you make of that?

Ace

It's a playground.

The burn marks. See them? Well?

Ace

A landing pattern for some kind of spacecraft, isn't it?

Very good.

Ace

But this is Earth, 1963. Well someone would've noticed, I'd have heard about it!

Do you remember the Zygon gambit with the Loch Ness monster? Or the Yetis in the underground?

Ace

The what?

Your species has the most amazing capacity for self-deception, matched only by its ingenuity when trying to destroy itself.

Ace

What are we looking for?

Shush. Whoever it was landed the spaceship in the playground.

Ace

And that would be?

More Daleks.

Ace

Oh, great. I thought it might be something really nasty(!)

Ah, the cellar. It could be down in there.

Ace

Why the cellar?

Good place to put things, cellars.

Ace

What about the Dalek? Won't he try and stop us?

Quite possibly. Stay close behind.

Ace

Hey. It must have gone back down to the cellar.

You will be exterminated!

It's called that because Time Lords have an infinite capacity for pretension.

Ace

Noticed that.

Doctor, we've had a report of a radar contact.

On a re-entry curve from low orbit?

Yes.

That'll be the Imperial Dalek shuttlecraft.

Gilmore

What? They're not landing a spaceship here.

Here? No. We're much too far from the main action.

You're sure...?

Ace

[staring out the window at the Dalek shuttle landing in the school playground] Cor!

Ace, get away from the window! Down!

I think I might have miscalculated.