Twelfth Doctor quotes from Doctor Who

Why do they call him "Spider-Man"? Don't they like him?

Young Grant

He was bitten by a radioactive spider, and guess what happened?

Radiation poisoning, I should think.

Young Grant

No. He got special powers.

What? Vomiting. Hair loss. And death. Fat lot of use.

Oh. There's the smile. I don't like the smile.

The Sword of Damocles hanging over New York. I can't destroy it, I can't remove it, I can't stop it falling. There's only one thing I can do.

What?

The unexpected! The thing about being in a room full of buttons and switches is… I love buttons and switches! [he frantically presses various buttons and switches]

Why'd you run like that?

Like what?

Like a penguin with his arse on fire.

Ergonomics. [points to his reflection in the puddle] That's my face, yeah?

You seem a bit flexible on the subject.

Oh, you have no idea.

Is everything out here evil?

Hardly anything is evil. But most things are hungry. Hunger looks very like evil from the wrong end of the cutlery. Or do you think that your bacon sandwich loves you back?

What changed your mind?

Time.

Time?

And relative dimension in space. [Opens the TARDIS door with a snap] It means… "What the hell."

Why are you Scottish?

I'm not Scottish, I'm just cross!

What's the opposite of a massacre?

OK, what?

In my experience, a lecture.

I re-initialised the entire command structure, retaining all programmed abilities but deleting the supplementary preference architecture.

He turned it off and on again.

So how do we stay out of trouble?

Well, I'm not the right person to ask.

Travelling to the past, there's got to be rules. If I step on a butterfly, it could send ripples through time that mean I'm not even born yet in the first place, and I could just disappear.

Definitely. I mean, that's what happened to Pete.

Pete?

Your friend, Pete. He was standing there a moment ago. He stepped on a butterfly. Now you don't even remember him.

Shut up! I'm being serious.

So was Pete.

Regency England. Bit more black than they show in the movies.

So was Jesus. History's a whitewash.

If you care so much, tell me how many people you've seen die?

I don't know.

Okay. How many before you lost count?

I care, Bill. But I move on.

Yeah, how quickly?

It's not me you're angry with.

Have you ever killed anyone? There's a look in your eyes sometimes that makes me wonder. Have you?

There are situations when the options available are limited.

Not what I asked.

Sometimes the choices are very-

That's not what I asked!

Yes.

How many?

Don't tell me. (disgusted) You've moved on.

And you know what happens if I don't move on? More people die. There are kids living rough near here, they may well be next on the menu. Do you want to help me, or do you want to stand here stamping your foot? Because let me tell you something, I'm 2,000 years old... and I have never had the time for the luxury of outrage.

Human progress isn't measured by industry. It's measured by the value you place on a life. An unimportant life. A life without privilege. The boy who died on the river, that boy's value is your value. That's what defines an age. That's what defines a species.

What a beautiful speech. The rhythm and... and vocabulary are quite outstanding. It's enough to move anyone with an ounce of compassion. So it's really not your day, is it?

OK, now's the time for the plan.

That was it. No plan. Info-dump, then busk it.

Well, start busking!

Bill told me you went on a little adventure. You see?

See what?

Well! You don't have to go to outer space to find monsters. There's plenty of things wanna kill you right here on Earth.