What do you want?
GPGavin Peters
Just a chat.
Then chat with the receptionist - I'm busy.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
(To Gavin Peters)
Take your hands off me, you unctuous platitudinising eunuch!
(Al Large says to Jonathan that he can't get a boat because he is a plumber)
Al, Mr. Crozure is suffering a psychotic breakdown.
What that mean?
He is mad. Just do what he says.
TGTerry Glasson
Three miles off the coast. Nelson's Point. You know it?
Yes.
TGTerry Glasson
A Spanish trawler at half mile off Nelson's Point. Tell them that Terry is sending. Say: "Terry me manda a por el paquete."
Oh, yeah. OK.
TGTerry Glasson
Say it! "Terry me manda a por el paquete."
"Terry me manda a por..."
No. It's "Terry me manda a por la paquete."
No, no. It's "a por *el* paquete."
JCJonathan Crozure
Seriously! Tick, tock, tick, tock!
Goodbye, Mrs. Lane.
ALAllison Lane
It's not "Mrs." I'm divorced.
I'm not surprised.
He wouldn't come quietly, so I started to put the cuffs on. He runs out into the yard, I chase after him, trip-up, fall under his horse. When I wake up, the paramedic tells me that he kicked me in the head. The horse, not the paramedic.
I just told him what it said on the website.
Which website was this, I-keep-forgetting-I'm-just-a-receptionist-dot-com? If anyone has a medical problem, refer them to me. I'm the doctor.
I want a word with you.
Let me guess. "You're fired".
That's two words.
But I am though, aren't I? That is so unfair. I told you...
Phlebotomy.
What?
Phlebotomy.
I don't know what that means.
You clearly don't have a problem dealing with blood. I want you to go on this course. It's in Truro next week. They'll show you how to find a vein, how insert a needle into a patient, and how to draw blood for nurses. I'll tell you who to bleed, but, uh, you'll be in charge of the actual bleeding.
(Standing in the kitchen of Bert's new restaurant) This kitchen is disgusting!
I've been feeding myself for years. I haven't killed myself once.
I want you to close this restaurant.
(Wanting to get out of earshot of his customers) Come into the kitchen. I put everything I've got into this place.
Well, you're certainly putting something into it that's making people very ill, indeed.
I've eaten here, and I'm perfectly fine!
Bert, you've spent your entire working life with your arm down a lavatory. You're bound to have built up a resistance to certain bacteria. The point I'm trying to make is that you are by profession and design a plumber, not a restaurateur.
(Bert Large is at the surgery because of a possible heart attack)
Is there anything that could you be stressing about?
(Ironically) Well. Let me see. My life's savings have been invested to buy an empty restaurant that has been shot down by the local quack. Apart from that, no one. My life is fine.
Right. I will prescribe you some medication in case of it happens again.
(After informing Mrs. Averill she may have lung cancer) Why are smokers always surprised when they're ill? Why do they think they're going to be the lucky ones who live to be a hundred? Did you think you'd make it to seventy?
AMrs. Averill
I'm seventy-five.
Eighty?
AMrs. Averill
My mother smoked a pipe until she was ninety-three.
And then she died.
AMrs. Averill
No. She lost her pipe.
(Louisa is organizing the kitchen while Martin is watching her)
Louisa. You look very... busy.
Thank you.
Would you like some wine?
No, thank you. I don't drink.
Really? Not even on special occasions?
Is this an special occasion?
Well. Maybe "special" is a wrong word, but it's not exactly something we do everyday.
I don't remember the last time that I ate on someone's back garden.
It's more that usual, Martin. People have barbecues all the time.
Oh, I see. Hot dogs and hamburgers.
No.
I thought we might have a measles epidemic on our hands.
There's not much chance of that. Almost all the children I've seen have been jabbed for MMR. There's only two or three mothers left in the village who haven't seen reason.
Maybe they're scared.
What are they scared of?
Well there's autism.
No, there isn't.
Martin, a friend of mine took her son to the doctor. He was nearly two, perfectly healthy, they gave him the jab, and he changed overnight. Just shut down completely.
Because of the MMR vaccine?
That's what she thinks.
Is she very stupid?
Look, it stands to reason that giving a child three viruses at the same time must increase their chance of some kind of reaction.
It stands to reason?
Martin, I have read about the studies linking MMR to bowel disease.
There was one so-called "study" but that's been refuted by people who actually know what they're talking about. And the hysteria that's stopped people giving their children the MMR vaccine has actually caused an increase in cases of measles, which is a horrible disease.
Thank you, Doctor.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Doc Martin pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.