I'm sorry, he isn't normally that rude... actually he is normally that rude; he also happens to be a good doctor.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
Why do you have to upset everyone? When you are with patients, why can't you make an effort? Just *smile*! Try to a small talk! Have a laugh!
Sick people don't want a laugh. They want a doctor who knows what is doing.
They want a bedside manner.
A bedside manner can't cure you.
It makes them feel better.
Can it diagnose an illness in a scanner? Write a prescription?
You know what I mean. Please, for once *just* agree with me. Do *you* know what I'm trying to say?
Actually I find you hard to understand best of times. Whatever you say or do makes no sense to me.
What are we talking about? Are we talking about...? What are we talking about?
I'm not quite sure.
I've got some news.
What?
You'll never guess...
I don't have to.
Go on. Try.
CEChristopher Ellingham
(Referring to Mark) Possesses a wonderful naivety, your chum.
Yeah.
CEChristopher Ellingham
Going to have his work cut out though.
What do you mean?
CEChristopher Ellingham
Well, the only way he's going to keep her is if he locks her up in a cell. Mind you, you'd have to drug them to keep them. Two peas in a pod you two.
DSDanny Steel
I sometimes wonder, with things not happening for me in London, whether it's a sign. It's a cliché I know but God, sometimes...
Yes, he works in mysterious ways, doesn't he? Like malaria.
I know that Dad can be a bit... you know... I'm not like him. You can talk to me.
MEMargaret Ellingham
(Laughs)You are not like him? Can you say that again?
What?
MEMargaret Ellingham
He's reached at the top of his profession. He is charming. We were happy before you arrived. The perfect marriage. He always touched me under the table in the restaurant and the car. Just like electricity. And then you came along. I knew it was all over. He could never see me as a woman again, I was a mother. A deflated balloon. So I decided I would make things just for we were him and me together. I put you in a boarding school, I sent you to spend the summers here with Joan. Somehow you were always there between us. Always needy. With bullied. Wetting your bed.
Doc. Julie and I are getting married as you know.
Yes.
Thank you. I was wondering. Would you be my best man?
I'm sure that unless this is absolutly an emergency...
I'll consider this an emergency of sorts. You might not think that you are a part of this village but you are, like or not. We are an small community, almost a family. And sometimes people are feeling left out by the way you are. And sometimes people think that you just don't care. And I think that it's about time that someone tells you that.
Stewart can help you. He's the ranger for that area.
To be honest I would prefer not. His best friend is a 6 feet squirrel.
Martin, there are twenty things about you that are crap.
Thank you.
But if you were a stick of rock, you'd be Martin Ellingham all the way through.
Underneath the gruff, monosyllabic, well-meaning but rude person, you're... gruff, monsyllabic, and, well, rude.
What about well-meaning?
(Martin and Louisa are sharing a bottle of wine at his house. Rather sheepishly, he explains that he doesn't normally drink alcohol because it makes him fall asleep)
(Looking into Louisa's eyes) You're so beautiful. You're so very beautiful - d'you know that? All I think about, every day, is just catching a glimpse of you.
(They lean across the table and kiss)
(Whispers) Oh, Louisa!
(Whispers) Shhh. Don't spoil it.
I love you. I love you.
Martin, this bloody table's in the way.
(Louisa stands up, about to come round the table to give Martin a cuddle. Martin falls forward onto the table, fast asleep)
(Last night, while drunk, Martin Ellingham told Louisa Glasson that he loved her - and then he passed out)
I embarrassed myself.
No you didn't embarrass yourself. And I'm really glad that you said what you said. I just wish I'd had chance to say that I do too. I love you too.
(Martin stares at her)
What?
Love is...
What?
It's a difficult word when you think that we don't actually know each other that well.
Martin, we've known each other quite a while now.
Strictly speaking, for you to say you love me when you can't possibly know that you do is... potentially... delusional.
Oh!
There are certain quite well-known disorders where a person falls, without good reason, for someone else and believes that they love them.
(Gobsmacked) Pardon?
De Clerambault's Syndrome, for instance. Also known as erotomania. More common in women. They fall for a man of higher social standing.
(The camera starts to track back to an aerial shot of the bay)
Martin! What the hell are you talking about?
Delusional romantic attachments. Often associated with an excessive intrusiveness into the life of the object of the irrational affection. Stalking, if you like.
(Louisa slaps Martin's face. The credits roll)
(The baker has come to see Doc Martin about a stomach ache)
Take some time off work.
BBaker
Chance would be a fine thing. I've got a couple of hundred pasties to bake for the eating contest tomorrow - biggest earner of the year.
Cancel it!
BBaker
No, doc.
In all probability you have a stomach infection. Until I can find out exactly what it is, I don't want you spreading it around the village.
BBaker
It's a tradition, our contest.
Oh yes, the tradition of mass food-poisoning and the complications that ensue. Cancel it!
(A group of twitchers are walking next to Doc's house. Martin is taking his bottle of daily milk.)
T1Twitcher 1
Which way to the choves?
At the top of the hill. And turn right.
T2Twitcher 2
Thanks.
(The group continues their road while the man watches his map)
T1Twitcher 1
Why on the right if there is the cliff? You meant left. Don't you?
(At the door) Right. (Slams the door)
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Doc Martin pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.