TV QuotesDatabase
S2 E3

Dan Vs. · Season 2, Episode 3

Chris, Jason and others in “The Neighbors”

Chris

Let me help you with that.

Jason

Whew. Thanks.

Chris

No problem. Moving in?:

Jennifer

That's right, yeah- just got here from Iowa. I'm Jennifer, this is Jason.

Chris

Chris.

Jason

Nice to meet you.

Dan

[opens the door as he whispers] Chris! Chris! Don't talk to them! They're evil! Eeeevillll!

Chris

Have you met Dan?

Jason

Not officially, no. Hi, there! I'm-

[Dan closes the door in front of him]

Chris

Well, good luck living next to Dan. And I really mean that.

[Dan opens the door and drags Chris inside his apartment]

Dan

What do you think you were doing?

Chris

I think I was meeting your neighbors, who seem very nice.

Dan

You are so stupid.

Chris

You know I really enjoy these little talks of ours, Dan.

Dan

Can't you see they're up to something?

Chris

Up to something? B-Because-

Dan

They're always smiling. And, they insist on saying "Hello" every single time I see them!

Chris

Well, I hope you've notified the police.

Dan

[angry and flustered] I'll notify them that missing person when your body turns up in-

Chris

Let's go. The movie starts soon.

Dan

Okay, the coast is clear. Now here's how we roll: Head down, eyes front. Make a beeline for the car. Go! Go! Go! Ahh!

Jason

[opens the door] Dan, right? You play basketball? I was thinking about-

Dan

Basketball is for communists.

Jason

Uh, tennis then?

Jennifer

We baked this pie for you. It's banana cream.

Jason

You know, Jennifer also makes the world's best meat pie, if you're interested.

Jennifer

It helps that Jason's a butcher.

[Dan throws the pie away]

Chris

Dan!

Dan

What? It slipped. Besides, I can't eat dairy.

Jennifer

Oh. Ok. Well. I guess we'll see you soon neighbor.

Dan

My car! Look at what they did!

Chris

Dan, you were the one who-

Dan

NEIGHBORS!!!

More from this episode

More Dan Vs. quotes · These quotes come from Wikiquote's Dan Vs. pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.