Chris, Madame Zelda and others in “George Washington”

Can we turn the spooky music off?

No. The spirits like it. Let us all join hands.

When was the last time you washed your hands?

Don't have to. Cat licks them clean.

Now I will call upon the spirit of George Washington. Are you there, Mr. President? Make a noise if you are with us.

He's here.

She just kicked the table. Ow! Someone just kicked me.

George Washington will take possession of my body. [starts talking in an American accent] Hello. It is I, George Washington, 1st President of the United States, commander of the Confederate Army.

Continental Army.

That's what I said.

Is not-- Ow!

Is it really you, Mr. Washington?

Yes. Now what question can I help you with?

Dan, no!

What are you, a psychopath?

Chris, hold George Washington down while I get the ax free!

There is no way I'm gonna help you murder a psychic, even a fake one! [pulls Dan and the ax off]

The spell is broken.

Oh, come on!

You can't hurt a spirit, you fool.

Well, you should have told me that before we started.

Just give me my $50 and get out.

You don't see dollar 1 until I speak with George Washington.

Remember, get paid first. Fine. I will summon the great George Washington once more, but you must promise.

Not to kill you. We promise, right, Dan? Dan?

Fine. It wouldn't hurt George Washington anyway, apparently.

But it would land us in prison for the rest of our lives.

Ahem! What is it that I, the great and powerful George Washington, can help you with?

This is ridiculous. That's not the kind of thing George Washington would say.

So you're the expert? Okay, professor, ask him a question, then.

Fine. What's your middle name, George?

I didn't have one?

Actually, I think that's right.

You have got to learn to trust the experts. I wanted to tell you that I know it was you who chopped down the tree outside my apartment and smashed my car, and I am going to make you pay!

Oh, please. I'm the Father of Our Country. You're just an angry little man with a smashed car. Thousands of people still visit my home every week. Does anyone visit your home?

I'm waiting until I clean it before I have company over.

Come on. Let's go.

This isn't over.

The things I do for 50 bucks. [gasps] Wait! Madame Zelda demands a full payment!

[at the car] That was a waste of time.

Are you kidding me? Were we not in the same seance? He bragged about his house. That's what he's most proud of, Mount Vernon, so that's what we're going to take away from him.