“Ch-Ch-Changes” quotes from CSI: Crime Scene Investigation

Grissom

I thought you'd want to know what happened to Wendy.

I appreciate your telling me. Killed by someone in our own community. As if we don't have enough enemies. Her parents never understood her, but still I think they should know. What do I say?

Grissom

Show them an oyster.

I'm sorry?

Grissom

There are two types of male oysters, and one of them can change genders at will. And before man crawled out of the muck, maybe he had the same option. Maybe originally we were supposed to be able to switch genders, and being born with just one sex... is a mutation.

Nick

I've never seen junkies shoot up in the face before.

It's not smack, it's silicone. Gives you good cheek bones.

The ones who can't buy silicone... shoot motor oil.

Nick

Do they?

Calm down, pretty boy. We're not the monsters. The real freaks are the suit-and-ties want to take a walk on the wild side, before sneaking back to the wife and kids. Want to go?

Brass

Lepidro. What kind of name is that?

Grissom

It's from Lepidoptera, meaning "butterfly." Walter Clancy started out a gender-dysmorphic caterpillar and turned into a bloody butterfly.

Brass

Love hurts.

Brass

Hey, I uh talked to the manager. All he said was the renter paid cash and the guy; he seemed pretty normal.

Catherine

Normal people don't torture people in storage bins.

Grissom

Did you see any transexuals when you danced?

Catherine

Gil, only civilians confuse strippers and showgirls. You can't cheat the full monty.

Catherine

Women in convertibles are low-hanging fruit.

Grissom

And it was a top-down night.

Robbins

Piano wires. They're used to mobilize the lower part of the abdominal skin and anchor the neo-vagina, so it can heal in place.

Catherine

I can only imagine those cramps.

Robbins

The surgeon stuffs the portal with a cylinder wrapped in gauze to hold its shape while it heals, and sutures it.

Catherine

And how long does milady have to wear a wire?

Robbins

Well, after five days, the vagina is un-sutured, and the wires are removed.

Grissom

Aborigines say they dance naked to make the gods happy.

Catherine

The gods would be happy in Vegas.

(to Grissom) I'm glad you agreed to meet me, can I buy you a drink?

Grissom

Thanks, but I'm still on the clock.

But you still let me lure you away from the lab. Is that because I'm a beautiful woman? Well, I'm a beautiful woman now.

Grissom

Beauty's a societal construction.

So is gender, people find out you're empty half and they think you're psycho, Michael Caine with a bad wig and a pair of sunglasses stabbing Angie Dickinson and dressed to kill.