Nigel quotes from Crossing Jordan

Nigel

Oh blushing bride of mine.

Nigel

We requisitioned a $5,000 stab-me Sammy doll just for these occasions. But for financial reasons we'll be using this lovely ripened honeydew!

Nigel

Woody, Woody, Woody… I promise that I will keep an open mind, okay? And anyway, "sensitivity" is my middle name.

Nigel

SWEET MARY IN THE MANGER!

Nigel

I don't know who you are, or how you did things in New York, but there's something you need to know. Around here, we treat each other with respect. We work together. We look out for each other. We're family. So I don't know why you're here. Or what conspiracy you and Ivers got going on, but I'll tell you this. You keep harassing Miss Lebowski and I will make your life here a living hell.

Nigel

It's impressive, really. How malic acid, magnesium hydroxide and modified starches can together create a lifelike facsimile of actual food…

Jordan

She had all these drugs in her system?

Nigel

Xanax and Prozac and Valium…oh my.

You don't think Noah Wyle wore a regular coat, do you?

Nigel

Noah who?

Nigel

[singsong] Jordan's got a boyfriend.

Jordan

Oh, you wanna yank on my pigtails too, Nige? 'Cause I got cheerleading practice.

Nigel

Come on, that sweet country innocence. Those sparkling blue eyes.

Jordan

I would chew him up, and spit him out.

Nigel

Now that sounds like fun!

Spread 'em Nigel!

Nigel

I'd rather not.

: Is that bruising there where the sun don't shine?

Nigel

Uh-uh!

I don't know how I missed it. That's from the barrel of a 45. Talk about hiding the evidence.

Nigel

Ouch!

Jordan

Take off your coat. You're staying.

Nigel

Anyone ever tell you you're a kill joy?

Nigel

Why am I always the killer pervert?

Woody

Is he?

Jordan

Well, he did play the Milwaukee Bondage Killer.

And before that he was the Ice Cream Rapist of '77.

Killer perv.

Nigel

Mumbo jumbo. I believe X, you believe Y, neither one of us has a shred of evidence to back it up, but we're willing to kill each other over it.

Woody

(To Jordan) What's he babbling on about now?

Jordan

Look, there's tons of people in that place. Why is he watching us?!

Bug

There were a lot of people watching you last night.

Nigel

Yeah. When you look like you look, people look.

We all know Jordan didn't kill anybody, but we need to prove it quick before she gets herself in more trouble.

Nigel

Yeah, cause two murders and violating the terms of her bail isn't bad enough.

Nigel

Dr.… didn't catch the name.

I didn't throw it.