Cory in the House · Season 1
(about Sophie's Bahavian accent) Why are you talking like that?
(Bahavian accent) It's Bahavian, Maya. That's the way me and my sister talk because we're from Bahavia.
(about Meena) She's not your sister and you're from Sacramento.
[Sophie turns away]
(in disgust) What a patoshka! (walks out of the room)
I've got the perfect gift idea for your lady. You know, nothing says "I love you" like that new video game Rap Ninjas 2, and you know...if...if you happen to pick up an extra copy...I wouldn't say no.
Son, even I don't have that kind of hookup, and I'm the (deep voice) President of the United States.
Poom-shlaka-laka!
Shlaka-laka-poom!
Cory (to Meena): Knock knock.
Come in.
Come in? No, no, you're supposed to say, "Who's there?"
Well, why would I do that? I know it's you.
Oh, my goodness!
You're not gonna believe this, but I've got a date with a brilliant, beautiful girl who really likes me.
All right, man, that's awesome!
No! It's so not awesome!
Why?
Because! She's, like, the smartest girl in the universe! Maybe even in America!
[Cory and Meena look puzzled]
Then why'd you say yes?
Because I got nervous and couldn't think of that other word, um...
"No?"
Exactly! This is a disaster! A fiasco! A quagmire of epic proportions!
But you couldn't think of "no?"
[Cory is handing out flyers of his band's gig; one person takes a flyer and squeezes the "juice" out of it]
(horrified) There's only one person who can do that. (looks up and sees The Juicer)
(menacingly) Hello, weenie.
Cory, what is going on? You're acting like such a---a...
(dejectedly) Weenie?
Well, I was going to say "yak-butt."
Newt (about Meena): Dude, it sounds like you didn't want her to win.
Look, Newt...you're my best friend, right? I gotta tell you something. The truth is, yeah, your right, I didn't want Meena to win and, and kiss Nanoosh, because...well, I've had a giant crush on her ever since the first day I met her.
You mean all those times you used to gaze at her and melt when she talked to you and smell the air she walked by, you had a crush on her?
[Meena has just learned that Nanoosh fixed the contest in her favor and Nanoosh awaits her kiss]
(hurt) I am not going to kiss you. (everyone gasps in shock) You're a jerk. (everyone gasps again) You fixed this contest, which, by the way, is illegal! (everyone gasps again) I would never kiss someone like you even if you ripped off your shirt. (everyone gasps again; Meena storms off the stage, then storms right back) Which, by the way, was...stupid.
(over the loudspeaker) Welcome to Air Force One. (Cory looks surprised) We should be arriving in Russia in 12 hours.
Cory (as he scrambles to the window and his mouth drops open in horror): Daddy, no!
The boy gave away Alaska!
Which boy?
(pulls Cory) This boy!
Oh, boy!
[Cory dials a number on his cell phone]
Raven? How fast can you get to Washington?
[Raven walks into the kitchen]
Is this fast enough?
(talking about Raven) I was just attacked by a kook!
The president was just attacked by a kook!
Chef Victor, how are we doing?
Well, sometimes I feel like there's a wall between us....
Not our relationship! The pies, man, the pies!
Oh, look! A shooting star! (points up to the sky where a shooting star is passing over the trio) They say if you make a wish on a shooting star, it'll come true.
(looks up) I wish I was President. Then I could do things my way.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Cory in the House pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
