This far, and no farther.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
Excuse me, sir. I couldn't resist trying your pinball machine. I guess I tried a little too hard. But that's an old problem with me, sir — the way I keep steering and pushing and pulling at things. Someday, the whole sky's gonna light up and it's gonna say, "Tilt". And that's gonna be the end of the world.
Always remember, it's a trick. Keep that in mind and you can figure out how it's done.
[referring to the workshop, and demonstrating one of the tricks] The whole place is one big magic trick. You can't believe anything you see.
MDMax Dyson
"Elliott Blake?" I've been reading about you. European journals. When did you change your name?
When I got out, Max. Three years ago.
MDMax Dyson
A hundred and twenty degrees in the shade, or an afternoon of poker in the Ungandan prison.
I read that in your book "Dyson on Mind Reading". You're giving away our secrets, Max.
MDMax Dyson
We survived in the African slammer, together. You were a very good student.
Why not? You taught me everything you know. Everything I know.
Out Mr. Harrow is not impressed by statistics. This man is the market for miracles. I have the power to astonish him, you, and the entire world, Paula, but I am NOT a dancing dog in a carnival.
[referring to Mr. Harrow] Elliott, he will be back tomorrow. We have to show him more. God, we never should have started this!
We "started" this for you. To maintain your funding, my dearest doctor.
The Soviet Union is deeply engaged in psychic research for intelligence purposes. Now, either they're a pack of fools, or we're missing a very important vet.
Our position is obvious, Mr. Harrow. In terms of practical results, Elliott's scores are the highest ever recorded at this institute.
In that case, the next time we suspect a double agent in our midst, I'll frighten him to death with your test scores.
Exactly what do you want of me?
Hard proof of your abilities.
The impossible on demand.
That's a fair description.
CEColonel Eckherdt
For a subject of your qualifications
What flavor impossible?
In general terms, a demonstration that you can telepathically and precisely intercept the thoughts and actions of an enemy. Fair enough?
I'm sure you're both familiar with Max Dyson.
MDMax Dyson
April Fool, Paula. Say hello to the boogeyman.
THIS is your authority? A fake magician?
MDMax Dyson
Fake? I'm a magician, "Max the Magnificent", a pretty good mentalist in my time. I certainly learned all the tricks.
BSBert Spindler
He was loved. Well, not by those mind readers and psychics; they weren't so crazy about him, once he got on their case. But magicians loved him. I loved him.
I've never seen so many wonderful tricks. Those beautiful Chinese rings, and that terrific birdcage. Once, on a vacation with Mrs. Columbo, I saw a magician make a tiger disappear right out of the ring, but I've never seen a trick like that guillotine trick upstairs. That must be some dangerous trick.
BSBert Spindler
Not if you're careful. Max built in some safeguards, made it all foolproof.
What happened to Max, that you didn't look very foolproof. How do you explain that.
BSBert Spindler
Are you sure you won't join me, Lieutenant.
No, thank you very much, sir.
BSBery Spindler
Max must have gotten careless. Forgot to lock in the safety bolt.
Sometimes kindness is wiser than truth.
I'm curious, when did you first suspect me?
Well, as long as you asked, sir. That first night. When I found you scrubbing my mud off the floor. I thought that was unusual, for someone as arrogant as you are.
Unless you're implying that I was the target of that blackmail.
Oh, I'm implying more than that sir. I'm implying that you murdered the man.
There we go again sir, agreeing with each other. It's interesting how often we agree with each other; considering the fact that we really don't like each other. Would you agree with me on that sir?
I think I'd have to agree, Lieutenant.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Columbo pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.