Charlie Runkle quotes from Californication

Charlie Runkle

"I love the condom, keeps me in the game..."

Charlie

If you weren't too busy bringing every unemployed actor with a cougar fetish back to my house...

Hank Moody

Has a nose ring, you know what that means?

Charlie Runkle

What, she likes it in the nose?

Hank Moody

That is sick.

Hank Moody

Oh, big boy... are you crying?

Charlie Runkle

A little.

Hank Moody

Jesus Christ.

Hank Moody

[catching Charlie photographing his secretary] Holy Fuck-nuts!

Charlie Runkle

Shit! [falls over]

Marcy Runkle

You can have the ass if you want.

Charlie Runkle

You can keep it.

Mia

What are you gonna do, spank me?

Charlie

You girls talk about everything, don't you?

Hank Moody

I was thinking maybe I'll get into teaching.

Charlie

"There's an idea... Not a particularly good one, but an idea nonetheless"

Hank Moody

I hate you.

Charlie

A rape fantasy? That is just sick Marcy.

Marcy

Sick? I'm sick? After some of the twisted and depraved shit I have seen you do?

Hank

[as Charlie walks away] See you in hell [falsetto] MOTHERFUCKER!

Charlie

[turns around and yells] Don't say motherfucker like that! It makes me miss you!

Hank

[to Charlie] It's all right. It's all right, baby boy. Tonight we drink. Tomorrow you start making some phone calls. An opportunity will present itself. If not, we can always stuff our pockets full with rocks and walk hand-in-hand into the Pacific.

Charlie

That sounds romantic.

Charlie

Just don't come off as one of those snotty, pretentious fucks who looks down on television.

Hank

Me? Never.

Charlie

How is it? [points to a script in Hanks hand]

Hank

To be honest, it's like a colonoscopy of the mind.

Charlie

Hank.

Hank

But if he asks, I will tell him it's "totes buckskin brill."