I was so worried I baked a whole cake. And then I ate a whole cake.”
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
Abbi, truth or dare?
You know what, I'm gonna go with dare.
I dare you to suck Jeremy's dick.
Never have I ever, um, dealt with how my parents' divorce affected my overall, you know, being in relationships.”
You said that if you ever were going to do a same sex experimentation, it was going to be with me.”
I'd like to cash these nickels, and I'll have them in quarters, please. ”
[Watching a game of amateur basketball] Abbi, why wouldn't we be rating them on dick size? It's all I can see. Those b-ball shorts are God's gift. If you train your eyes, you can see their religion.”
Nose, vagina, butthole. If God didn’t want us to put our fingers in there, then why did she make them perfectly finger-sized?
BPBasketball player
[To Ilana and Abbi] Can I ask you two to leave? Some of the guys are complaining.
Check it. I got a dirty ass martini and a clean white power suit.”
I'd shoot you in the face and shoot myself in the heart.”
[To Ilana] You're my favorite little jewie this side of Saint Louie.”
Four R’s, my friend: Reduce, Reuse, Recycle, Rihanna.”
Time Out New York. Love it. That the warehouse sale is this weekend and I need to find something cool to wear.
No, you don't. You look sexy and vivacious and artsy and like, young wife material, but, like, taut, and teasy still.
It's a perfect combo. I mean, it's okay. It's, like, urban. Like Urban Outfitters. Got it. Thank you. To my frond... To the ond.
And to free sparkling water. [Taps glass and drinks] Mmm... That's classy. [Belches] Very. Dude, just trust me. Chill.
Come on. Gum is so repulsive. It is cow cud.
Hey! Hey!
TDTruck driver
What?!
My friend is stuck on the back of your truck. Also, what, are you watching pοrn while you drive?
TDTruck driver
Oh, don't judge me! You're the one wearing the stolen shirt!
Okay, it's not stolen. I'm letting her out. Why don't you just finish? If you can. [Walks away]
TDTruck driver
Nice ass!
Yeah, I know!
Ab, this is Craig. A guy.
Hi, I'm Abbi. I love pugs. My family comes from a long line of colonial Jews. Ilana has told me so much about you.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Broad City pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.