Boston Legal quotes

442 total quotes



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Bethany: He baited me deliberately.
Brad: He did this because the book on you is your less effective when you lose your cool.
Bethany: Oh, shut up.
Brad: This is exactly the state of mind that he wants you in.
Bethany: It was an offer made in bad faith. I should bring a motion for sanctions.
Brad: That wouldn't make any difference.
Bethany: Shut up.
Brad: Shut up yourself.

Bethany: I can get by that you're old. I can get by that you're old and gross. I can't get by that you had a history with my mother.

Bethany: I need to speak with you... [notices Alan] ...privately.
Denny: Anything you want to say to me can be said in front of him.
Alan: We're married.

Bethany: So, you going to remind me again how I'm supposed to cross the wife?
Paul: Oh, shut up.

Brad: [about Judge Hooper] So how can such a little bald man like that end up with such a beautiful wife?

Brad: Could I get you to put your tongue back in your mouth there, soldier?
Alan: Thank goodness we have you, Brad, to keep track of our tongues. Would you like a list of the places mine has been this week?
Brad: Perv.

Claire: [about Shirley] Are we really sure she's missing? Sometimes old people just slip off to have some work done.
[Jeffrey glares at her]

Claire: [upon being greeted by the firm] Yeah, don't anybody try to make friends with me.

Claire: And Clarence needs to get back to work. I can't afford Oprah.

Claire: Okay, before we start, I want it on the record that I am very uncomfortable deposing a dwarf.
Bethany: What's that supposed to mean?
Claire: It means I'm uncomfortable. I don't need any victims rights groups picketing outside my condo. Not to mention the fact you obviously have deep psychological issues to accept any date with a seventy-two year old man, let alone...
[stares at Denny]
Claire: Him.

Claire: This is abusive. Making me leave New York. I'm gonna call my parents and tell them I'm being abused.

Claire: Who do we complain to here? The old people?
[Paul and Shirley get wide-eyed]

Claire: You two spoke over the Internet for two weeks, divulging personal intimate details. You leave out the fact that you're under three feet tall. Do you think that's honest?
Bethany: Look at him. Did I get Mel Gibson?
[Denny makes a pose]
Bethany: Maybe I did.

Clarence: [As Clarice] Anyway, I finally thought why not adopt? Go overseas, get me one of those Chinese babies. You know, like Angelina Jolie? She did it, why not me?

Clarence: [As Clarice] Why you staring? I know why you're staring. You're staring at my knockers. I know when a man is staring at my knockers. This here, is part of the problem. They don't let me take maternity, they stare at my knockers. Know what I'm sayin'?
Alan: No way to treat a woman.