[Later, outside; the Witchsmeller carries a large cross, chanting "Burn the witch!" to excite the crowd as Edmund, Percy and Baldrick are carried in on wooden racks behind him; the Witchsmeller stands by the waiting kindling, where Harry is standing, while the trio are put against the stake]
I suppose, really, this must be one of the most difficult parts of the job for you.
[disinterested] Yes.
And for the witch, as well.
Of course. [takes the torch out of the kindling as the crowd cheers]
My Lord, I have a cunning plan.
Oh, [coughs] off, Baldrick! I think I might be able to stall him.
Well, Grumbledook, your time has come. Do you wish to confess?
Er, no.
Very well. [moves to light the pyre]
Wait, yes! Yes, I do!
CONFESSION!
[The crowd cheers]
I would like to confess in front of God, and this rather small crowd, that I have, on occasion, done things wrong.
Be more specific.
Well, I have erred and strayed like a lost ox-
Sheep!
Er, sheep. I have, uh, coveted my father's adultery.
Get on with it!
I...I have not honored my neighbor's ass.
Oh, light the fires!
I'm a witch! I'm a witch!
Me too! Me too!
[The crowd cheers. Later, the fire is blazing; the crowd is chanting "Burn! Burn! Burn!"]
Oh, damn, I'm not even comfortable. [drops the doll into the fire; it is of a hooded figure with bright red eyes carrying a large cross]
[suddenly dropping the torch] Agh! How fast this heat travels! [shielding himself from the fire with his cloak]
[isn't looking] Yes, it is a touch warm, isn't it?
[The doll begins to smoke, as does the Witchsmeller]
I feel as if I am on fire!
[still isn't looking] I know, I'm rather regretting my choice of undergarments, as well.
[The Witchsmeller's cross suddenly caught fire]
I'm burning! I'm burning! I'm burning!
[The doll catches aflame, as does the Witchsmeller]
[still isn't even looking] Yes, but I expect you're jolly glad of that cloak in the winter. [Witchsmeller staggers around, on fire; he finally notices the Witchsmeller burning to death] Good lord!
[The Witchsmeller screams as he dies. The flames around Edmund, Percy and Baldrick fade, then their bonds are broken]
Well done, Baldrick!
Yes, that was a close shave. [runs his hand across his shaven head] Thank you, Baldrick.
[Baldrick shrugs, baffled]
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