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S1 E15

Blackadder · Season 1, Episode 15

Queen Gertrude, Prince Edmund and others in “Unfinished Business”

[Later, Edmund, Percy and Baldrick are inside a cell. The Queen is outside of it]

Well, I suppose this is what comes of being a witch.

Mother, I'm not a witch!

Oh, Edmund, you always were a bit of a fibber.

Mother, I beg of you: use whatever power you have to help me.

I haven't had any power for years, you know.

But Father's sick! You must do something, otherwise...

Otherwise what?

Well, otherwise, I'll be burnt!

Ah, yes, this would be a pity.

Well, thanks.

I'll see if I can sort out something. [leaves]

My lord, I had an idea how to get out of this.

Yes?

Send for all the greatest lawyers in the land, and they could save you!

Brilliant! Contact them at once.

I've already done it, My Lord! [holding up some pages of paper]

Oh, Percy, thank you! Are those the letters?

[a bit reluctant] Er, yes...

Read them.

[more reluctant] Very well. Erm, this is from Robert Wyatt in Somerset: [reading] "What you ask is against reason and God. I spit on you and your master, and look forward to passing water over both your graves at a later date."

Yes... [looks at another one, held by Baldrick] What does that one say?

It's from John Watts.

Oh, "Stinker" Watts!

[reading, although Percy puts forward a hand as though he'd rather it wasn't read] "Dear Percy: I remember being at school with Prince Edmund and yourself, and so was very interested by your letter".

Yes?

"May you both die horribly. Yours, John Watts."

Oh no, I'm doomed!

Wait a moment, My Lord! I have a cunning plan that cannot fail!

Oh! What is it?

Well-

[The guards, Soft and Anon, come into the foreground]

SSoft

My wife was wondering whether you'd like to come round for dinner tonight.

AAnon

No, thanks.

SSoft

Why not?

AAnon

Well, the food tastes like manure, and, frankly, I find you both very boring.

SSoft

Oh, fair enough. How about next Thursday, then?

AAnon

Er, yeah, that's lovely, yeah. About half eight?

SSoft

Yeah, all right, be there.

[Baldrick had finished telling his plan]

Brilliant! [laughs, and shakes Baldrick's hand] Well done, Baldrick! Very cunning! You may capture the eagle, but you cannot clip its wings!

[The guards chat some more]

SSoft

By the way, how's that eagle of yours?

AAnon

Oh, fine, fine. Mind you, I had a bit of trouble to start with, but, now I've clipped its wings, no problem!

SSoft

Glad to hear it.

[As the guards separate again, Edmund goes to the bars]

Tomorrow, I shall not be so meek! [laughs]

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