Beavis and Butt-Head quotes
1300 total quotes[after Beavis and Butt-Head flipping through the channel until the ad for the Death Truck on Pay-per View appears]
Beavis: Yes! Order it, dude!
Butt-Head: We can't. Huh huh. They locked us out after Steven Seagal Month.
Beavis: That sucks!
Beavis: Yes! Order it, dude!
Butt-Head: We can't. Huh huh. They locked us out after Steven Seagal Month.
Beavis: That sucks!
[After mistaking a horse for a cow, they learn to identify cows by 'those fingers next to their butt that you squeeze to get like, milk and stuff']
Beavis: Heh heh, hey Butt-head, squeeze my finger.
Butt-head: Which one, Beavis? The finger by your butt?
Beavis: Heh, yeah! Pull that one.
Butt-head: [sings] Old MacDonald had a farm, E...uhh, I? Z? Is there, like, a Q in there?
Beavis: Yeah, heh heh, [sings] E-I-Q...uhh, Z...M.
Beavis: Heh heh, hey Butt-head, squeeze my finger.
Butt-head: Which one, Beavis? The finger by your butt?
Beavis: Heh, yeah! Pull that one.
Butt-head: [sings] Old MacDonald had a farm, E...uhh, I? Z? Is there, like, a Q in there?
Beavis: Yeah, heh heh, [sings] E-I-Q...uhh, Z...M.
[After the boys fail a field soberioty test]
Officer: I'm going to have to take you boys downtown [picks up non-alchoholic beer] and I'm going to have to take this with us.
Butt-Head: Yeah, you can't forget the beer.
Officer: [Reads on back of beer "Contains No Alcohol" and reads it aloud] You guys aren't drunk, you're just stupid.
Season 7
Officer: I'm going to have to take you boys downtown [picks up non-alchoholic beer] and I'm going to have to take this with us.
Butt-Head: Yeah, you can't forget the beer.
Officer: [Reads on back of beer "Contains No Alcohol" and reads it aloud] You guys aren't drunk, you're just stupid.
Season 7
[after watching the Europeans' "We Are Animals" for a long time, they change back to the station where the Frank Zappa video was playing]
Butt-head: This is still on? That pisses me off!
Beavis: That sucks! It's bad enough, like, when stuff sucks. But when it's really long, that sucks.
MTV Programming
Butt-head: This is still on? That pisses me off!
Beavis: That sucks! It's bad enough, like, when stuff sucks. But when it's really long, that sucks.
MTV Programming
[An animated man is caressing his hand against a woman's side, about to reach her breast]
Butt-head: Whoa!
Beavis: HIGHER, HIGHER, HIGHER, HIGHER, HIGHER!
Butt-head: Settle down, dumbass.
Butt-head: Whoa!
Beavis: HIGHER, HIGHER, HIGHER, HIGHER, HIGHER!
Butt-head: Settle down, dumbass.
[An animated, giant woman with noticeable breasts walks by]
Beavis: Whoa, Butt-head, that chick doesn't have a head!
Butt-head: Uh...oh yeah. That's like that joke, what does the perfect woman look like?
Beavis: Um, yeah, what?
Butt-head: Uh...I don't know, she's probably, you know, pretty hot. I think it's like, she has big thingys or something?
Beavis: Oh yeah, that's pretty funny. She has big thingys. It's pretty funny.
Chris Knox, Half Man Half Mole
Beavis: Whoa, Butt-head, that chick doesn't have a head!
Butt-head: Uh...oh yeah. That's like that joke, what does the perfect woman look like?
Beavis: Um, yeah, what?
Butt-head: Uh...I don't know, she's probably, you know, pretty hot. I think it's like, she has big thingys or something?
Beavis: Oh yeah, that's pretty funny. She has big thingys. It's pretty funny.
Chris Knox, Half Man Half Mole
[An old woman is sitting in a bar]
Butt-head: Hey, look, Beavis! It's your mom.
Beavis: Where? Where?
Butt-head: Hanging out in bars again.
Beavis: That's not my mom, Butt-head. That's Grandma.
Butt-head: Hey, look, Beavis! It's your mom.
Beavis: Where? Where?
Butt-head: Hanging out in bars again.
Beavis: That's not my mom, Butt-head. That's Grandma.
[Annie Lennox appears with her eyes largely widened]
Beavis: AAH! What's her problem?!
Butt-head: This is stupid.
Beavis: Um...this kind of sounds like that um...[sings]"From a Distance".
Butt-head: Oh yeah.
Beavis: Who did that song?
Butt-head: Uh...that's Butt Midler.
Beavis: AAH! What's her problem?!
Butt-head: This is stupid.
Beavis: Um...this kind of sounds like that um...[sings]"From a Distance".
Butt-head: Oh yeah.
Beavis: Who did that song?
Butt-head: Uh...that's Butt Midler.
[At the chorus]
Beavis: Now this is the cool part of the song.
Butt-head: Yeah. Remember when you asked that waitress at the Olive Garden to dance, and then she slapped you and the manager threw you out.
Beavis: Oh yeah. That was cool.
Butt-head: She probably would have danced with me because I have better moves.
Beavis: No you don't. Check this out. [Beavis pretends to penetrate the top of the couch and sings the beat]
Butt-head: Uh... your moves suck, Beavis. Check this out. [Beavis flails his arms while Butt-head jumps from one side to the other]
Beavis: No soy Americano...
Gary Young, Plantman
Beavis: Now this is the cool part of the song.
Butt-head: Yeah. Remember when you asked that waitress at the Olive Garden to dance, and then she slapped you and the manager threw you out.
Beavis: Oh yeah. That was cool.
Butt-head: She probably would have danced with me because I have better moves.
Beavis: No you don't. Check this out. [Beavis pretends to penetrate the top of the couch and sings the beat]
Butt-head: Uh... your moves suck, Beavis. Check this out. [Beavis flails his arms while Butt-head jumps from one side to the other]
Beavis: No soy Americano...
Gary Young, Plantman
[Beavis and Butt-head are dancing]
Butt-head: It's so cold in the D...
Beavis: Bump bump bump bump...
Butt-head: It's so cold in the D... uh, this is hard to dance to.
[The two pause, then resume, their dancing]
Butt-head: It's so cold in the D...
Beavis: Bump bump bump bump...
Butt-head: It's so cold in the D... uh, this is hard to dance to.
[The two pause, then resume, their dancing]
[Beavis and Butt-head are in a female doctor's office, who is trying to "teach" them how to urinate again while playing music]
Doctor: Now, just relax. Clear your mind of any thoughts.
Beavis: What is that? Huh huh huh.
Doctor: Close your eyes, and imagine you're floating on a river. Let the water take you wherever it wants to. Just relax and go with the flow.
Beavis: Hey Butt-head. I can feel it.
Butt-head: Yeah. Huh huh. Me too.
[We start to hear a dripping sound. Beavis and Butt-head are wetting their pants]
Butt-head: Huh huh huh. And the water's warm. Huh huh huh. Huh huh huh.
[The dripping sound continues, and the doctor looks up from taking her notes, noticing with a shocked look on her face. She drops her notes]
Doctor: Okay, not here. Stop-stop-stop it! Stop urinating! STOP URINATING!
Butt-head: I forgot how to stop. [A line of wetness moves up Butt-head's shirt]
Beavis: Yeah, heh heh. Just relax. Go with the flow.
[Beavis and Butt-head continue to urinate, while the doctor continues trying to get them to stop, as she gets up on her desk, obviously because Beavis and Butt-head have been urinating enough to wet the floor of the room]
Doctor: Now, just relax. Clear your mind of any thoughts.
Beavis: What is that? Huh huh huh.
Doctor: Close your eyes, and imagine you're floating on a river. Let the water take you wherever it wants to. Just relax and go with the flow.
Beavis: Hey Butt-head. I can feel it.
Butt-head: Yeah. Huh huh. Me too.
[We start to hear a dripping sound. Beavis and Butt-head are wetting their pants]
Butt-head: Huh huh huh. And the water's warm. Huh huh huh. Huh huh huh.
[The dripping sound continues, and the doctor looks up from taking her notes, noticing with a shocked look on her face. She drops her notes]
Doctor: Okay, not here. Stop-stop-stop it! Stop urinating! STOP URINATING!
Butt-head: I forgot how to stop. [A line of wetness moves up Butt-head's shirt]
Beavis: Yeah, heh heh. Just relax. Go with the flow.
[Beavis and Butt-head continue to urinate, while the doctor continues trying to get them to stop, as she gets up on her desk, obviously because Beavis and Butt-head have been urinating enough to wet the floor of the room]
[Beavis and Butt-head are in the 8th grade. A young Quinn Morgendorffer(in a different hairstyle and clothes than in Daria) is paying attention. Butt-head touches her arm.]
Butt-head: So, have you ever like been with an older man?(laughs)
Quinn:(creeped out by Butt-head) Leave me alone, you loser.
Beavis:[laughs] Loser.
(I don't think that's Quinn, but I'll grant that she looks similar.)
Butt-head: So, have you ever like been with an older man?(laughs)
Quinn:(creeped out by Butt-head) Leave me alone, you loser.
Beavis:[laughs] Loser.
(I don't think that's Quinn, but I'll grant that she looks similar.)
[Beavis and Butt-head are watching a music video with a singing four-and-a-half year old]
Beavis: Is this kid a foreigner?
Butt-head: No, buttmunch! He's just too young to know how to talk yet.
Beavis: No way, Butt-head. I knew how to talk, like, right when I was born.
Butt-head: Really? That's pretty cool.
Beavis: I said, "First, I, like, want something to eat, and then I'm gonna take a dump." It was cool.
Butt-head: Wait a minute, Beavis. I thought you flunked kindergarten because you didn't know how to talk.
Beavis: Oh, you mean, like, talking out loud? That's a whole 'nother story, Butt-head.
Journey, Separate Ways
Beavis: Is this kid a foreigner?
Butt-head: No, buttmunch! He's just too young to know how to talk yet.
Beavis: No way, Butt-head. I knew how to talk, like, right when I was born.
Butt-head: Really? That's pretty cool.
Beavis: I said, "First, I, like, want something to eat, and then I'm gonna take a dump." It was cool.
Butt-head: Wait a minute, Beavis. I thought you flunked kindergarten because you didn't know how to talk.
Beavis: Oh, you mean, like, talking out loud? That's a whole 'nother story, Butt-head.
Journey, Separate Ways
[Beavis and Butt-head are watching TV]
TV Voice-over: We now return to Robert Yearing, Mellissa Gilbert, and Lou Ferigno in "Asbestos in Obstetrics."
Bevis: Hey, Butt-head! What is Astesbos?
Butt-head: Uhh... It's like, health food or something.
TV Voice-over: We now return to Robert Yearing, Mellissa Gilbert, and Lou Ferigno in "Asbestos in Obstetrics."
Bevis: Hey, Butt-head! What is Astesbos?
Butt-head: Uhh... It's like, health food or something.
[Beavis and Butt-head has just taken a picture of the disgusting butt, assuming it belongs to an ugly man having sex with a beautiful woman. They are soon scared when they see the real owner of the butt, an obese woman pop her face in front of the van's back window to face them]
Woman: You boys think you have a problem with my butt! I'm gonna kick your butts all over this drive in!
Woman: You boys think you have a problem with my butt! I'm gonna kick your butts all over this drive in!