Butt-head: You asswipe! I was trying to have a wet dream.
Season 3

Butt-head: You can tell that this is the kind of chick who's like, had her tubes tied.
Beavis: Like, um...how come you know this chick's had her tubes tied?
Butt-head: Just look at her, Beavis!
Beavis: I think I'm gonna go tie my tubes.
Butt-head: Shut up, Beavis!
The Stone Roses, Love Spreads [a man jumps up and down]

Butt-head: You got a backstage pass, sir?
Beavis: Yeah! [Imitates the lead singer's German accent]

Butt-head: You know another cool thing about cows? They get to chew their own cud.
Beavis: Really?
Butt-head: Yeah. I learned it that time we went on that field trip to the dairy.
Beavis: Well, um, was I there?
Butt-head: Yeah, but you spent the whole time staring at the goat's nads.
Ramones, Substitute

Butt-head: You know Beavis, I was looking at your mom naked once.
Beavis: Really? How come you were naked?
Butt-head: No, Beavis! Your mom was naked.
Beavis: Oh yeah.
Butt-head: You know how Prince is searching for the most beautiful chick in the world?
Beavis: Yeah.
Butt-head: Well, he doesn't need to go anywhere near your house.
Beavis: Shut up, butthole! I'm sick of you badmouthing my mom!
Butt-head: [chuckles] Mouthing?
Beavis: [laughs] Oh yeah, mouthing! Bad mouthing!
Prong, Prove You Wrong

Butt-head: You know what might make it different is like, you know, if you were really dizzy when you were watching this.
Beavis: Yeah, yeah, if you were all like dizzy in the head and you were watching this!
Butt-head: Yeah. Want me to strike you?
Beavis: No, I know how to make myself dizzy, check it out. I learned this one time, check this out. [Beavis puts his thumb in his mouth and blows very hard, eventually hyperventilating. He then goes into a trance.] I think there's a problem with this video, as it is highly derivative of many popular bands within the genre, although when viewed on its own merit, it does have a decent groove.
Butt-head: Uh, Beavis?
Beavis: However, what it has in groove, it lacks in originality.
Butt-head: What's your problem?
Beavis: One can't help but be reminded of such bands as Pearl Jam, White Zombie, Suicidal Tendencies, and other bands that bear the mantle of so-called alternative rock.
Butt-head: You're talking like a dork, Beavis!
Beavis: One is even reminded of Laurie Anderson when she wore curlers. This video speaks less to the heart, and more to the sphincter.
Butt-head: Beavis!
Beavis: In closing, I think Korn would do well to learn more from...[Butt-head hits him several times]...AAAAAHHH!!! OW!!! Whoa, what happened?
Butt-head: You got all dizzy and then you started talking like a dumbass.
Beavis: Whoa, really? Wow.
Butt-head: But then you did say spinxter.
Lenny Kravitz, Is There Any Love in Your Heart

Butt-head: You know what they say Beavis, when you walk the walk you gotta...uhhh, talk too.
Beavis: What's that mean?
Butt-head: It means we gotta hit on the chicks, assmunch. Otherwise they'll just think we're like, all looks. Check out those chicks over there!
Beavis: Hey baby--
Butt-head: Hey baby-- Check out our beards.
Beavis: Damn, we're smooth.
Girl: We're gonna call the cops if y'all don't leave us alone.
Butt-head: That sucked.
Beavis: Yeah.

Butt-head: You know what this chick's name is?
Beavis: What?
Butt-head: Her name is Chick.
Beavis: No it's not.
Butt-head: No, I'm serious. I've seen this before. Her name's Chick. That's pretty cool, 'cause you can remember her name, 'cause she's a chick, and her name is Chick.
Beavis: Oh yeah. Maybe I should change my name to "Dude".
Butt-head: Yeah, or maybe you could change it to "Dumbass".

Butt-head: You know what would be really cool? Is like, if he took a leak from up there.
Beavis: Yeah! He should take two dumps, one leak, cut the cheese, and then he should jump. That would rule! Yeah!

Butt-head: You know who Hole looks like in this video? She looks like that Tori Spelling chick.
Beavis: Yeah, but Hole looks a lot hotter than Tori Spelling.
Butt-head: What kind of a name is Hole anyways?
Beavis: Yeah, I mean, if you're gonna name your daughter Hole, at least name her like, Bunghole or something.
Butt-head: It could be like, you know, that joke where the father names her after the first thing he sees when she's born.
Beavis: Yeah, but then why would he, um...oh yeah!
Hum, Stars

Butt-head: You know, he's bisexual.
Beavis: Oh yeah. Um, I know what that means, but just as a test, why don't you tell me what that means?
Butt-head: Beavis, you dumbass, you don't know? It means he has two schlongs!
Beavis: So, like, um...if you had two wieners, how many nads would you have?
Butt-head: Uh...I'd guess you'd have, you know, like three or something.
Beavis: And then, whoa, I just thought of something else! So like, if you have two wieners, you know, if you go to take a leak, you just decide which one you're gonna take a leak out of...or you take a leak out of both of them...you know, sometimes you have a boner! Would you have both of them at the same time?
Butt-head: You should do stand-up comedy, Beavis.
Beavis: Oh really? Thanks, I think so too.
Entombed, Wolverine Blues

Butt-head: You know, if these dudes were as cool as they think they are, they'd be hanging out with chicks on a Saturday night.
Beavis: Yeah, yeah, really. Or at least, like, watching TV or something. I wonder where these guys get these clothes?
Butt-head: Uh, you can get them at this place called Buy George down at the mall.
Beavis: No way, really? Cool.

Butt-head: You know, it's like, this video's cool. It's got something for everyone. You know, like, whatever you're into, like, if you're into a dude wiggling his butt around, they've got that.
Beavis: Ah, no thanks!
Butt-head: If you're into lions, they've got that.
Beavis: Yeah, yeah. Or if you're into horrible music, they have that too. Yeah, something for everybody.
Butt-head: Everybody sucks.
Beavis: Yeah, everybody is stupid!
Cheech & Chong, I'm Not Home Right Now

Butt-head: You know, maybe if they put more suck bands in prison, people would like, you know, try to stay out of prison.
Beavis: Maybe it would have a, um...positive, um, effect on, um, generations of the youth.
Butt-head: Beavis, quit trying to sound smart.
Beavis: Oh yeah. Um...actually, um...I think they all should just get the chair. Including Grim Reaper.

Butt-head: You know, they don't have to keep showing her face just because she's singing.
Beavis: Yeah, really. Like, move down and show her butt or something.
Butt-head: Yeah!