Beavis and Butt-Head quotes
1300 total quotesBeavis: You can get a loan for big boobs?!
Butt-Head: Uh...wow!
Beavis: I'm gonna take out a loan, to get a bigger schlong!
Butt-Head: Uh...wow!
Beavis: I'm gonna take out a loan, to get a bigger schlong!
Beavis [in the background]: It's Harry Sachz!!!
[The boys have just prank called Harry Sachz, and Harry calls them back]
[The boys have just prank called Harry Sachz, and Harry calls them back]
Beavis [upon noticing that he's got a nosebleed]: No! I'm bleeding! I'm bleeding!
Beavis Hey Butt-Head...These sheets smell funny
Butt-Head uh-huh-huh-huh, These are my special monkey-sheets
Butt-Head uh-huh-huh-huh, These are my special monkey-sheets
Beavis: (On the phone with the Home Shoping network) Yea, I'd like to order one of those pubic zercroniums.
Beavis: (Imitating Robert Smith) Peter Piper picked a pickle of peckled peppers! Peter Piper Picked a pickled pecker!
Butt-head: How come this guy always has to like, sing like, [wails] uhuuuhuuuuuuhhhhhh!
Butt-head: How come this guy always has to like, sing like, [wails] uhuuuhuuuuuuhhhhhh!
Beavis: (on the radio) Wow Butt-head check out the size of that rubber.
Cop: Come on make a spacific offer for sex.
Butt-head: (on the radio) That's a shower cap dumbass.
Cop: Come on make a spacific offer for sex.
Butt-head: (on the radio) That's a shower cap dumbass.
Beavis: (sing-song) Stewart wets his bed, da-na!
Stewart: (humiliated) Oh God!
(Stewart quickly hung up)
Stewart: (humiliated) Oh God!
(Stewart quickly hung up)
Beavis: [acting as a waiter] Uh, hi, Butt-head.
Butt-head: Hi, Master Beavis.
Beavis: I was suppose to introduce me, bunghole! Uh, welcome to a restaurant. Would you like to take my order?
Butt-head: Yeah, get me some nachos, buttwipe!
Mr. Manners [grabs Butt-head by the collar]: Listen, you little...t-t-twerp! This is my job, this is how I make money! Don't screw with me! [goes back to his place] Now, how about using some manners?
Butt-head: Manners suck.
Beavis: Hey Butt-head. Don't "screw" with him.
Butt-head: Yeah, he sure does like to touch.
Beavis: He tried to touch my weiner!
Mr. Manners: WHAT? YOU LITTLE LIAR! [starts strangling Beavis]
Beavis: BACK OFF, YOU PERVERT!
Mr. Manners: [David Van Driessen comes in] He's lying!
David Van Driessen: Hey! Don't you dare lay a finger on my students! [breaks them up] Beavis, did he hit you?
Beavis: Heh. Um. Heh. Yes, sir. Heh. He did. Heh. Thank you for your concern.
Mr. Manners: What?! you little dirtball!! [goes to attack Beavis, but Van Driessen's hand stops him]
David Van Driessen: You want to touch my students, I'll touch you!!! [Van Driessen and Mr. Manners get into a smack fight, the students start cheering]
Mr. Manners: I'll get you, you little punks!!!
Butt-head: Uh, no thank you, sir.
Beavis: Yeah. Thank you. Drive through.
David Van Driessen: Stop it! [throws a punch] Stop it!
Mr. Manners: You're dead, hippie.
David Van Driessen: You're going to jail, jackass!
Mr. Manners: You're going down, Woodstock!
David Van Driessen: [throws another punch] Take that, you Fascist!!!!
Mr. Manners: You're hurting me! Security!!
Butt-head: Hi, Master Beavis.
Beavis: I was suppose to introduce me, bunghole! Uh, welcome to a restaurant. Would you like to take my order?
Butt-head: Yeah, get me some nachos, buttwipe!
Mr. Manners [grabs Butt-head by the collar]: Listen, you little...t-t-twerp! This is my job, this is how I make money! Don't screw with me! [goes back to his place] Now, how about using some manners?
Butt-head: Manners suck.
Beavis: Hey Butt-head. Don't "screw" with him.
Butt-head: Yeah, he sure does like to touch.
Beavis: He tried to touch my weiner!
Mr. Manners: WHAT? YOU LITTLE LIAR! [starts strangling Beavis]
Beavis: BACK OFF, YOU PERVERT!
Mr. Manners: [David Van Driessen comes in] He's lying!
David Van Driessen: Hey! Don't you dare lay a finger on my students! [breaks them up] Beavis, did he hit you?
Beavis: Heh. Um. Heh. Yes, sir. Heh. He did. Heh. Thank you for your concern.
Mr. Manners: What?! you little dirtball!! [goes to attack Beavis, but Van Driessen's hand stops him]
David Van Driessen: You want to touch my students, I'll touch you!!! [Van Driessen and Mr. Manners get into a smack fight, the students start cheering]
Mr. Manners: I'll get you, you little punks!!!
Butt-head: Uh, no thank you, sir.
Beavis: Yeah. Thank you. Drive through.
David Van Driessen: Stop it! [throws a punch] Stop it!
Mr. Manners: You're dead, hippie.
David Van Driessen: You're going to jail, jackass!
Mr. Manners: You're going down, Woodstock!
David Van Driessen: [throws another punch] Take that, you Fascist!!!!
Mr. Manners: You're hurting me! Security!!
Beavis: [beats drum] Woah, that was pretty cool. [beats the drum and laughs, getting progressively faster]
Mr. Van Driessen: Okay Beavis, now let that wild man within put his feelings into words.
Beavis: Yeah, hehe, it's like, it's like, I wanna check out chicks' thingies! I wanna see their thingies! But they won't let me! And that just makes me wanna check them out even more!
Other dude 1: We feel your male pain.
Beavis: I feel like I'm never gonna score! And chicks don't wanna talk to me! Like, I wanna go up and say ��Hey baby how's it goin?' heh. And then just like, they just go away! And then they slap me!
Other dude 2: I can identify with that��.I guess.
Beavis: And sometimes I just wanna like, get a big bulldozer and I just wanna like, bulldoze the walls to the girls' locker room! That way I can see their boobs!
Butt-head: That would be cool.
Beavis: It's like I know they're naked inside there, and I just can't stand it! And then, and then I wanna take the bulldozer and like, I wanna bulldoze the cafeteria too! And then the library! Destroy all the books! Eheheheheh, and then I wanna go to the principal's office, and bulldoze the principal's office too! EHEHEHEH!
Other dude 1: I think someone's inner warrior needs to go back to basic training...
Beavis: Things will never turn out they way they-!
Mr. Van Driessen: [interrupting] Maybe you need professional help, Beavis. [reaches over to get the drum back]
Beavis: [beats his hand away] NEVER!
Other dude 3: Someone take that damn drum away from him!
Other dude 2: What the hell are you teaching these kids of yours anyway?
Other dude 1: You know, the guys at the gym were right, you ARE a pantywaist.
Other dude 3: And you said this was the way to recapture the spirit of Woodstock? Woodstock my ass!
Beavis: [beating the drum each time he says it] Naked boobs, naked boobs, naked boobs!
Mr. Van Driessen: Okay Beavis, now let that wild man within put his feelings into words.
Beavis: Yeah, hehe, it's like, it's like, I wanna check out chicks' thingies! I wanna see their thingies! But they won't let me! And that just makes me wanna check them out even more!
Other dude 1: We feel your male pain.
Beavis: I feel like I'm never gonna score! And chicks don't wanna talk to me! Like, I wanna go up and say ��Hey baby how's it goin?' heh. And then just like, they just go away! And then they slap me!
Other dude 2: I can identify with that��.I guess.
Beavis: And sometimes I just wanna like, get a big bulldozer and I just wanna like, bulldoze the walls to the girls' locker room! That way I can see their boobs!
Butt-head: That would be cool.
Beavis: It's like I know they're naked inside there, and I just can't stand it! And then, and then I wanna take the bulldozer and like, I wanna bulldoze the cafeteria too! And then the library! Destroy all the books! Eheheheheh, and then I wanna go to the principal's office, and bulldoze the principal's office too! EHEHEHEH!
Other dude 1: I think someone's inner warrior needs to go back to basic training...
Beavis: Things will never turn out they way they-!
Mr. Van Driessen: [interrupting] Maybe you need professional help, Beavis. [reaches over to get the drum back]
Beavis: [beats his hand away] NEVER!
Other dude 3: Someone take that damn drum away from him!
Other dude 2: What the hell are you teaching these kids of yours anyway?
Other dude 1: You know, the guys at the gym were right, you ARE a pantywaist.
Other dude 3: And you said this was the way to recapture the spirit of Woodstock? Woodstock my ass!
Beavis: [beating the drum each time he says it] Naked boobs, naked boobs, naked boobs!
Beavis: [drinks soda, does a spit take] AAAAHH!!! NO NO NO STOP IT! STOP IT! NO! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! CUT IT OUT! STOP IT! PLEASE SHUT UP! CHANGE THE CHANNEL BUTT-HEAD, RIGHT NOW!!! COME ON!!!
Butt-head: No way. [turns the volume up to full on the television]
Beavis: COME ON, NO, CUT IT OUT, BUTT-HEAD!!! GIMME THAT!!! STOP IT BUTT-HEAD! STOP!
Butt-head: This is cool.
Beavis: NO! YOU'RE MAKING ME SICK!!! NO! NOOOOO!!! SHUT UP RIGHT NOW, OR I'LL KICK YOUR BUTTCRACK FACE IN!!!
Butt-head: You dumbass.
Beavis: [screams unintelligibly]
Butt-head: That sucked, Beavis.
PJ Harvey, 50-Foot Queenie
Butt-head: No way. [turns the volume up to full on the television]
Beavis: COME ON, NO, CUT IT OUT, BUTT-HEAD!!! GIMME THAT!!! STOP IT BUTT-HEAD! STOP!
Butt-head: This is cool.
Beavis: NO! YOU'RE MAKING ME SICK!!! NO! NOOOOO!!! SHUT UP RIGHT NOW, OR I'LL KICK YOUR BUTTCRACK FACE IN!!!
Butt-head: You dumbass.
Beavis: [screams unintelligibly]
Butt-head: That sucked, Beavis.
PJ Harvey, 50-Foot Queenie
Beavis: [in time with the song] Damn it, damn it, son of a bitch. Damn it, damn it, son of a bitch.
Butt-head: If those were the words, it'd be cool!
Beavis: I was thinking of writing a song called "Damn it, Son of a bitch!" And it's gonna go something like "Damn it, damn it, son of a bitch/Damn it, damn it, son of a bitch/Son of a BIIIITTTCCCHHHH!/SON OF A BITCH, SON OF A BITTTCCHHH!/Dammit dammit dammit".
Butt-head: That's pretty cool.
Butt-head: If those were the words, it'd be cool!
Beavis: I was thinking of writing a song called "Damn it, Son of a bitch!" And it's gonna go something like "Damn it, damn it, son of a bitch/Damn it, damn it, son of a bitch/Son of a BIIIITTTCCCHHHH!/SON OF A BITCH, SON OF A BITTTCCHHH!/Dammit dammit dammit".
Butt-head: That's pretty cool.
Beavis: [jabbers nonsensically] What? What did you say?
Butt-head: What? I didn't say anything!
Beavis: Oh. I thought you said something, like, just now, right before I went [jabbers nonsensically], didn't you say something?
Butt-head: Uh, no.
Beavis: Really? I could've sworn I heard you say something, like you said, [imitates Butt-head] "Uhuhuh, yeah, this is cool", or something like that.
Butt-head: Uh, no, Beavis, I didn't say anything. You oughta try not saying anything.
Beavis: Okay. I'll give that a try right now.
Jerry Lee Lewis, Goosebumps
Butt-head: What? I didn't say anything!
Beavis: Oh. I thought you said something, like, just now, right before I went [jabbers nonsensically], didn't you say something?
Butt-head: Uh, no.
Beavis: Really? I could've sworn I heard you say something, like you said, [imitates Butt-head] "Uhuhuh, yeah, this is cool", or something like that.
Butt-head: Uh, no, Beavis, I didn't say anything. You oughta try not saying anything.
Beavis: Okay. I'll give that a try right now.
Jerry Lee Lewis, Goosebumps