Beavis and Butt-Head quotes

1300 total quotes

Beavis: [as prisoners try to escape prison] Wow, they really hate this song.
Butt-Head: These people would rather get shot than listen to him anymore.
Elastica, Connection

Butt-head: Kick him in the nads, Beavis.
[Beavis delivers a low blow to Tommy]

Beavis: Dirty deeds and they're done dirt cheap!
Butthead: Sing it Beavis!

Beavis: I can't touch this!
Butt-head: I can't watch this! [changes channel]
Jawbox, Savory

Beavis: Is this a commercial?
Butt-head: Yeah, it's a commercial for MTV's House of Butt.
Electric Sun, The Night The Master Comes

Beavis: Is this Florida?
Butt-Head: Uhhh... [monsters and zombie-looking people around] Yup, that's Florida. Florida sucks.

Beavis: Is this Michael Jackson?
Butt-head: I think this is where he sleeps.
Beavis: Nah, he told Oprah he doesn't sleep in the hyperbolic chamber. He has a skin disease.
Butt-head: You watch Oprah?! [laughs] What a wuss.
Beavis: Shut up, butthole! I just watched it that once because I thought they'd show his hair on fire.

Beavis: My report, is on the time, me and Butt-Head had like, dinner and stuff.
Mr. Van Driessen: Now Beavis, what does that have to do with American hist--
Beavis: [angrily] Shut up, I'm not done yet!

Beavis: Next time they have a clay project at school, I'm gonna make a big boob. Yeah yeah. Maybe a butt too.
Butthead: Yeah. Last time you just made an ash tray. It sucked.
Beavis: Oh yeah. So? You made a baseball.
Butthead: Oh yeah. Then the teacher called me a lazy turd.
Beavis: Yeah. So then you made that.
Butthead: Yeah, but not out of clay.
Alien Sex Fiend, Now I'm Feeling Zombified

Beavis: That drummer is old.
Butthead: Shut up, fart knocker, he's cool!

Beavis: Tornadoes are cool! They can drive matches through a 2x4!

Beavis: Um, is that Christ?
Butt-Head: Uh, what language is he speaking? Uh, I think it's Mexican.
Beavis: Um, you know Butt-Head, you really shouldn't say that, seriously. Come on. You know better than that.
Butt-Head: Uh, oh yeah. It's Spanish.
Beavis: Wow. So Jesus can speak Spanish? That's uh, that's pretty impressive you know, because it's not easy to learn a second language. Not anybody can do that.
Butt-Head: It is a miracle.
Beavis: Yeah, that Christ is something else. I didn't know he had it in him, you know?
Butt-Head: Yeah. He may look like a bum, but he can do a lot.

Beavis: What are those guys on the horses?
Butthead: They're like the Desert cops. They're kicking Slayer out of the desert.
Beavis: Yeah they were playing too loud.
Butthead: Not loud enough, dude.

Beavis: Whoa! That guy just caged his elephant!
California Raisins, Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer

Beavis: WHoa, look at their hair, Butthead! It reminds me of like those pom poms, at like pep rallies.
Butthead: You go to pep rallies?
Beavis: Yeah. You know, sometimes I go just to check out the butts.