Barry Berkman quotes from Barry

Barry

Janice, listen. I used to work for a man who who talked me into doing some really bad stuff. But that's not who I am, okay? I, uh, I realized what I was doing was wrong, and I, uh, I did everything I had to do to put it behind me. And I did it. It was hard, but I did it. And everything's so good right now. I'm a good person. I help people out. And if you could just walk away from this and forget about it, everybody's life will be better.

You know I can't do that, Barry.

Barry

Yes. No, yes, you can. Janice, you can, because we want the same thing. We- We wanna be happy. We want love. We want a life. And we're doing it, Janice. We're the same.

But we're not. We're not the same, Barry. 'Cause I'm a cop and you're a fucking murderer.

Barry

Can we please not do this? Please?

It's done.

In my bedroom, under the bed, there's a mahogany box, and in that box is a pearl-handle .38 Special, screen-used from the movie Flashpoint, given to me by my former roommate, Rip Torn. Do you know how many times today I actually thought about going in there and loading it and giving it one last kiss?

Barry

You wanted to kiss a gun?

Suicide, Barry.

Barry

Oh.

Are you not familiar with the Japanese ritual of harakiri?

Barry

The baseball announcer?

I need you out of my house.

Barry

Okay.

NoHo Hank

You have these pants in size medium?

Barry

Those are women's pants.

NoHo Hank

Shit.

Barry

What the fuck are you doing here?

NoHo Hank

Barry, it's me. It's Hank.

Barry

I know it's Hank!

NoHo Hank

In a wig.

Barry

I know you're wearing a wig!

NoHo Hank

The shirt's mine, though.

Barry

I don't fucking care! What the fuck you doing here?!

NoHo Hank

Classic criss-cross.

Barry

That's not a criss-cross.

NoHo Hank

I'm pretty sure it is.

Barry

What the fuck are you doing--

NoHo Hank

"What the fuck are you doing here, Hank?" Yeah, I know.

Barry

Right, you need to get the fuck out of here. Leave, come on-

NoHo Hank

You called me an idiot today. Me, the guy who, when Goran was coming to kill you, told you to get out of the dodge. I mean, saved your life.

Barry

Right. Hey, man, let's do this...

NoHo Hank

I come not wearing disguises. No more hiding. You have to understand -- I'm not asking you to do this hit. I'm telling you.

Barry

Hey, Hank, relax, man.

NoHo Hank

I am relaxed. 'Kay? I'm super relaxed guy. But now, I'm the boss, and you really disrespected me. So you're doing this. Because if you do not... I tell Goran's family who really kill him. And this place, and all your friends... they go bye-bye. Do you believe me now?

NoHo Hank

You still think I'm "fucking idiot"?

NoHo Hank

Good. Good. Don't fuck with me, Barry. It's not polite.

Barry

Am I, like—am I, like—like, an evil person?

NoHo Hank

Oh, my God. I mean—absolutely. Do I not tell you that enough? You are, like, the most evil guy I know, man!

NoHo Hank

Well, what do you want me to do? Go to John Wick Assassin Hotel with help wanted sign, I mean, what?

Barry

You got good guys right here, man!

NoHo Hank

Oh, my God, my guys suck balls! You know it! Especially this motherfucker right here!

Akhmal

If I suck balls, you are king of Suck Balls Mountain!

Is it true you are the most gifted assassin in all of America?

Barry

No, I'm not the most gifted assassin in all of America.

NoHo Hank

He's being modest. He is Air Jordan of assassins.

Barry

Look, today, a guy said something to me, and it, uh... made me mad.

What'd you do? You thump him up, huh? Did ya throw him a little high heat? A little chi music? Hey, Barry, we're both Alphas. I understand.

Cousineau

So here's my advice. You never tell that story again as long as you live 'cause basically, you killed somebody and you got away with it.

Barry

See, that's why I didn't wanna tell you. This is why I didn't wanna tell you, 'cause you're gonna look at me differently. You're gonna look at me... like I'm a murderer, like I'm a- like I'm a violent piece of shit...

Cousineau

Barry? Listen to me. I had a son. I was terrible to this son. I was cruel. I was selfish. And there's nothing I can do to change that. But I don't want to be that guy anymore. And I pray that human beings can change their nature, because if we can't, then you and I are in deep trouble.

Barry

Wh- How do we do that?

Cousineau

I think we're doing it already. You didn't beat that guy up, did you? You came here. We're talking about your feelings instead of acting out your feelings. And as for my son, the first time I reached out to him after years and years, I got a big "Fuck you, dad!" But today... today, he brought me strawberries.

Barry

Do you think I'm a bad person, Mr. Cousineau?

Cousineau

I think you're deeply human. You did a terrible thing. But do I think that defines you? No. That's why I don't think you should tell this story in front of the class. Also, they will shit themselves. I mean, they're children.

Do you have any idea what it's like to- to fuckin' love somebody and have some motherfucker come along and take them away from you?! DO YOU?!

Barry

I'm sorry about Janice.

What- not Moss!

That's Ronny Proxen. He's fucking my wife. You get rid of him, and all this goes away.

Barry

What?!

Fuches

[Seeing Barry's wounds] Ah! Jesus! What'd he do, hit you with a fuckin' cleaver?

Barry

It wasn't Ronny.

Fuches

What do you mean, "it wasn't Ronny"?

Barry

No, it was his daughter. I think he... He trains her, or something, 'cause she was like a... like a feral mongoose.

Fuches

Okay, she's not human.

Barry

That's what I said, man.

Fuches

She's something else, I don't know what.

Barry

That's what I told you, dude.

Fuches

Alright. What do you wanna do then, huh? I mean, in an ideal world, we'd just burn down the house.