NoHo Hank quotes from Barry

NoHo Hank

50/50 with Cristobal!

NoHo Hank

...I meant my word. I'm Honest Gabe.

NoHo Hank

Are you fucking serious? Are you fucking kidding me right now?! You just fucked this moment! This beautiful, tender moment with your accordion! You just... whipped out your accordion, and you fucked it, man!

NoHo Hank

Hey, guys, since we're all about to die in a moment, I have to be honest about something, okay? I have been deceiving you guys and before we die, I have to come clean. I know you look at me and you see hard as nails criminal, stone-cold killer, Iceman. But, uh... This is lie. In fact, I have been lying about who I am my entire life. Real talk? I should not be manager of crime syndicate! I should be manager of hotel -- chain of hotels! Instead of being this conning man, playing the role of the ruthless gangster. I mean, that is not who I am, because the truth bomb of it is -- maybe not a lot of you, so be it. I'm nice. I'm polite. I'm optometrist by nature, you know? But because I did not have courage to stand up and be my true self, nice guy, and instead chose pants-on-fire existence, we are all on the barbecue bus. So, guys, I am really sorry for, uh, convincing you I was ruthless leader. I will regret it for the rest of my life. Probably two more minutes. So, in closing, hopefully there is afterlife, and I can host you all in heaven and make you delicious appetizers. Wouldn't that be something, guys? Guys? Guys!

Hank

Barry. Forgiveness is something that has to be earned. And whatever shit you're going through? I can't be part of it. I'm embracing my life. It's like that line in Shawshank Redemption... "Get rich, or die trying."

NoHo Hank

You have these pants in size medium?

Barry

Those are women's pants.

NoHo Hank

Shit.

Barry

What the fuck are you doing here?

NoHo Hank

Barry, it's me. It's Hank.

Barry

I know it's Hank!

NoHo Hank

In a wig.

Barry

I know you're wearing a wig!

NoHo Hank

The shirt's mine, though.

Barry

I don't fucking care! What the fuck you doing here?!

NoHo Hank

Classic criss-cross.

Barry

That's not a criss-cross.

NoHo Hank

I'm pretty sure it is.

Barry

What the fuck are you doing--

NoHo Hank

"What the fuck are you doing here, Hank?" Yeah, I know.

Barry

Right, you need to get the fuck out of here. Leave, come on-

NoHo Hank

You called me an idiot today. Me, the guy who, when Goran was coming to kill you, told you to get out of the dodge. I mean, saved your life.

Barry

Right. Hey, man, let's do this...

NoHo Hank

I come not wearing disguises. No more hiding. You have to understand -- I'm not asking you to do this hit. I'm telling you.

Barry

Hey, Hank, relax, man.

NoHo Hank

I am relaxed. 'Kay? I'm super relaxed guy. But now, I'm the boss, and you really disrespected me. So you're doing this. Because if you do not... I tell Goran's family who really kill him. And this place, and all your friends... they go bye-bye. Do you believe me now?

NoHo Hank

You still think I'm "fucking idiot"?

NoHo Hank

Good. Good. Don't fuck with me, Barry. It's not polite.

Barry

Am I, like—am I, like—like, an evil person?

NoHo Hank

Oh, my God. I mean—absolutely. Do I not tell you that enough? You are, like, the most evil guy I know, man!

NoHo Hank

Dude. How the fuck did you miss?!

Akhmal

I don't know how to shoot gun!

NoHo Hank

Hey. You know this about yourself, yet, when I ask you to come kill Barry, you say "okay".

Akhmal

Hank. There is a power dynamic here which prevents people—

NoHo Hank

What happen?

Akhmal

I got fucking shot! Oh, Jesus—

NoHo Hank

Okay, Akhmal, you got to get this shit together. Just stand up there and shoot him, all right? Believe in yourself!

Akhmal

Fuck you, I just got shot!

NoHo Hank

Oh? Well, I got shot, too, remember? Barry shot me precisely in same arm. Ooh, same spot! Wow, he's so good. But I wasn't a baby about it, was I? C'mon!

NoHo Hank

Well, what do you want me to do? Go to John Wick Assassin Hotel with help wanted sign, I mean, what?

Barry

You got good guys right here, man!

NoHo Hank

Oh, my God, my guys suck balls! You know it! Especially this motherfucker right here!

Akhmal

If I suck balls, you are king of Suck Balls Mountain!

Is it true you are the most gifted assassin in all of America?

Barry

No, I'm not the most gifted assassin in all of America.

NoHo Hank

He's being modest. He is Air Jordan of assassins.

Cristobal

I can't make anything happen until I rebuild. Your little boyfriend Barry killed all my buddies. You know this.

Hank

Well, you know that he killed most of my buddies, too.

Cristobal

I don't want to talk about Barry! When I do, I can't sleep. Plus... He killed all my buddies.

Hank

We both had buddies killed.

Cristobal

You have some buddies. I have no buddies.