Ashes to Ashes quotes

Alex Drake

Where did you go?

Gene Hunt

Abroad. The Isle Of Wight. That was shit, so I tried the Costa Brava. It was the best Full English I've ever had. Then I thought, "Why am I running? Gene Hunt doesn't run". I'm in a mess, Bolls.

Alex Drake

So am I.

Gene Hunt

I'm fighting for my future.

Alex Drake

Me too.

Gene Hunt

Get up. Come here.

Gene Hunt

I'm sorry. I could have hit my target but you fell all wrong.

Alex Drake

Sometimes in life you can't help which way you fall.

Gene Hunt

You do know that when I walk through those doors they're gonna come for me?

Alex Drake

Yeah... Well, there's only one thing for it. Let's fire up the Quattro.

Viv

Don't worry I'm sure we'll find Tinkerbell as soon as we have... [notices Alex and Gene] Bugger me sideways.

Gene Hunt

What's this? Dorothy Blonde, kidnapped yesterday morning.

Ray Carling

8:21. The parents are on their way in. There's been a ransom demand.

Gene Hunt

Well, we better get her back then, hadn't we? Who's in charge of this shambles?

Ray Carling

I am. I'm a DI now.

Gene Hunt

A DI?!

Ray Carling

It's not that incredible. [Gene walks to the door of his office where his name has been replaced with Ray's] DCI Timmons wanted to keep hold of his office so I thought I would...

Chris Skelton

We didn't think you were coming back, guv.

Gene Hunt

Nor did I after the report you gave the enquiry.

Chris Skelton

They asked all sorts of questions they already knew the answers to.

Alex Drake

Rhetorical.

Chris Skelton

Nah, it was definitely English.

Ray Carling

You can't just come back in here and pick up where you left off, what about the enquiry?

Gene Hunt

Ray, if you ever come into this office again dressed like a maths teacher, I'll paint your balls the colour of hazelnuts and inform a bunch of squirrels that winter's coming.

Gene Hunt

[extremely annoyed] Right, you lot, sit down and do some bloody work! I've got D&C coming down on me like a ton of bricks, and all you bastards can do is bicker like girls! It ends now! Right, can we just have five minutes peace and quiet, while I feed my hangover a small Scotch, thank you?

Ray Carling

[After Chris finds a severed hand in the mail] Looks like you got your hand-job after all, mate.

Jim Keats

Take a seat Ray.

Ray Carling

Blimey. It's hotter than a Majorcan minge in 'ere!

Jim Keats

Sorry. Poor bloody circulation.

Gene Hunt

You know what!? You'll get every soppy, pustular virgin this side of the Blackwall Tunnel!

Alex Drake

[smugly] At least I'll get some replies.

Gene Hunt

Are you a killer, Harris?

No, Mr Hunt!

Gene Hunt

Are you a dishonest little scrotum who's been buying shit lager with somebody else's chequebook?

Yes, Mr Hunt!

Alex Drake

[exasperated] Is this strictly necessary?

Gene Hunt

No, but it's bloody good fun!

Ray Carling

[chuckling] The oldest trick in the book. "Oh, the wife's just died. I'm bringing up two kids on me own". Next thing you know, your ankles are right behind your ears!

Gene Hunt

Looks like you've been stitched up like a kipper, Bolly!

Alex Drake

[furious] Little shit! Let's get him!

Gene Hunt

I know your professional pride is...

Alex Drake

Piqued?

Gene Hunt

Trampled on like a dead rat. But one gloomy prognosis doesn't make a case, we need evidence. [to Chris] See if he's got a record.

Alex Drake

I could go in again as bait.

Gene Hunt

No, he's already seen you. He liked them young.

Alex Drake

[offended] I am young, you rude git!

Ray Carling

Can I just say, that I might not have been the biggest supporter of women in the police force. [the rest of CID laugh] Hey, it's not my fault I've got an illness with a posh name! What's it called?

Alex Drake

Misogyny.

Ray Carling

But what Shaz did tonight was incredible. [the others applaud] And I for one am very proud to have been a colleague of yours. [the others applaud and cheer]

Gene Hunt

Right Shaz, let's put an end to this leaving nonsense!

Guv, I thought you said you wouldn't mention it!

Gene Hunt

I lied. It's long been an ambition of mine to see you out of your uniform -- [the rest of CID laugh]

GUV!

Gene Hunt

No, I mean out of THE uniform. What I'm trying to say is you keep up this quality of work, you'll be in CID by Christmas!

Gene Hunt

You know, Keats and people like him, they wanna take us down, Alex. So whatever he says... don't help him.

Gene Hunt

Cup of tea, sugar, pleanty of milk and my biscuit of choice is the garibaldi.

Ray Carling

If I wanted to wipe out a bunch of dealers, I’d grab 'em, shoot 'em up and overdose 'em. Then they'd be just another statistic.

Alex Drake

We wouldn't've even noticed Warren Johnston's death if the guv had not wanted to speak to him. Which makes you wonder, doesn't it? How many times has this happened before? Because this is murder!

Gene Hunt

Yes, thank you, Quincy.