In Hollywood, they have a certain way they like to talk.
It's used by all those folks who can't chew gum and also walk.
It's found inside Variety, a movie magazine.
And everyone who reads it wonders what the headlines mean.
Like "Mitch makes a pitch, and he's gonna get rich"...
Means someone's got a movie that sold.
"Brando's mad, says the screenplay's bad"...
Means someone else was offered the role.
It's called Fargo Two with a story that's new"...
Means they're gonna shoot it all in LA.
"The budget got maxed, so someone got faxed"...
Everybody's on the carpet, so the writer got the axe.
Well, "Merchandise scores in the theme park stores"...
And Disney is the king of the hill.
"Michael Ovitz in talks with 20th Fox"...
Means he wants another ninety-three mil.
If you want the poop...
Or ya need the scoop...
On Hollywood Town this week...
You're gonna have to learn to talk that Variety speak!
Bop-a-doo-bop, a-bop-a-doo-bah, Bop-a-doo-bop, a-bop-a-doo-bah!
"Studio bomb, gets Oscar nom"...
Means all the actors gotta be Brits.
"Bronfman's play for MCA"...
Means the Japanese are calling it quits.
"No scripts are new" means Jurassic Park 2...
And a trillion little dinosaur toys.
"The cash flows nice, they're releasin' it twice"
Since it isn't out on video, they're jackin' up the price.
Well, "Studio Czar wants unknown star"...
Means they couldn't get Robert Duvall.
But "They're in trouble again, doing Mice and Men"...
With Martin Short and Steven Seagal.
You gotta stay alive and if you wanna survive in Hollywood Town this week,
You're gonna have to learn to talk that Variety speak!
Bop-a-doo-bop, a-bop-a-doo-bah, Bop-a-doo-bop, a-bop-a-doo-bah!
Normal talk makes producers walk...
You might as well speak Greek.
You're gonna have to learn...
Or the meeting will adjourn...
Unless, my friend, you learn that Variety speak!
Bop-a-doo-bop, a-bop-a-doo-bah, bop-a-doo-bop, a-bop-a-doo-bah!
Bop, doo, bop, doo, bop, doo, bah, dah!
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