Oh I'm sorry! It's just hard to believe you could ever be in love with something not covered in sauce.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
I mean, sure, you can start a relationship based on four days of false information about mole-rats, but then where do you go? Am I right?
Well I guess this is kind of my fault, since I only told you exactly what would happen, instead of actually living your life for you.
This reminds me of that old saying: You idiot.
My fear of a meaningless cosmos was no match for those two theologians known as meat and cheese.
BByron
My mind is full of despair and my body is full of sex bugs.
Is it me, or is it getting dizzy in here?
How does it feel, being outsmarted by a child? Let me guess: familiar?
Oh cheer up! This tape could be the best thing that ever happened to you. You finally have proof that you fornicated with something you didn't pay for, or inflate.
AAirena
Did you know if a blue whale mated with a beaver their babys would be the largest insects on the earth.
KKeith
Other than babies, is there anyone more selfish than the dead?
Why, I once murdered a man with an axe! By your liberal definition, this makes me an axe murderer!
(Flashback)
ASAndy's Brain
Hands down that was the second coolest thing I've ever seen. Wanna see the first coolest?
(Cutscene to a woman seductively approaching the camera spraying whipped cream in her hand while "Lead Me On" by Maxine Nightingale plays in the background)
ASAndy's Brain
I'd show you more...
(A young man stands up and blocks the view of the woman)
ASAndy's Brain
...but her boyfriend who was actually in the room had to go and ruin everything.
(Young man lifts up woman and carries her off screen while the camera zooms out to Andy looking out a window with binoculars. Andy then turns around with tears in his eyes and faces the camera)
(sobbing) Will I ever know love?! (Commences sobbing)
ASAndy's Brain
Oops, I didn't mean to show you that part.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Andy Richter Controls the Universe pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.