Andy Richter quotes from Andy Richter Controls the Universe

Andy

(Voice over) I needed more information, so I came up with a foolproof anti-Semitism test. (To Leslie) Would you like a bagel, or perhaps a (with German accent) valden-riechen-lebensraum-torte?

Andy

And, now, it's time to bring my plan to its wickedly delicious conclusion!... Ok, now I just sound gay.

Andy

Here I was, facing a problem as old as civilization itself: how to catch a drunk cat in the ceiling so I can go to France.

Andy

Uh, listen. I wasn't gonna say this before because I wanted to be supportive and non-judgemental, but your religion is laugh-out-loud stupid.

Andy

There's going to be a duct tape wedding! Cover your genitalia and run!

Andy

I mean, sure, you can start a relationship based on four days of false information about mole-rats, but then where do you go? Am I right?

Andy

My fear of a meaningless cosmos was no match for those two theologians known as meat and cheese.

Andy

Is it me, or is it getting dizzy in here?

Andy

Wait! Did you have sex with my Wendy?

It does not feel right to talk about it.

Andy

What are you guys doing here?

Jessica

You’re being stupid!

Andy

No, technically that would be what I’m doing here.

Hands down that was the second coolest thing I've ever seen. Wanna see the first coolest?

I'd show you more...

...but her boyfriend who was actually in the room had to go and ruin everything.

Andy

(sobbing) Will I ever know love?! (Commences sobbing)

Oops, I didn't mean to show you that part.