Mr. Pickering quotes from Andy Richter Controls the Universe

What kind of man calls himself a writer anyway?.. I’ll tell you what kind: the homosexual.

Ahh, wishing to go to France, aren't we? I know why you really want to go to France. It's because of their loose sexual laws. But, observing your physical qualities, I must say that it will only mean that you can do more things to yourself.

Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day, but hit a man with a brick and you can have all his fish... And his wife!

Good for you my boy! Having your way with the help. They're bending over anyway, eh?

Oh I'm sorry! It's just hard to believe you could ever be in love with something not covered in sauce.

How does it feel, being outsmarted by a child? Let me guess: familiar?

Oh cheer up! This tape could be the best thing that ever happened to you. You finally have proof that you fornicated with something you didn't pay for, or inflate.

Why, I once murdered a man with an axe! By your liberal definition, this makes me an axe murderer!