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Agatha Christie's Poirot quotes

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Agatha Christie's Poirot
All S1

S1 E15Unfinished Business

[About complaint letters to Poirot's Chinese laundry service]

When the boy brings your laundry back, he brings the letters back too for me to explain to him.

And you do?

No.

Why not?

I don't speak Chinese.

So what do you say to him?

Well, I say: "Him collar no very good starchy". I show him the collars and say it.

Hastings, my friend, you spent some years in China, did you not?

Absolutely. Fine fellows, fine fellows.

Did you ever have any trouble with your laundry?

Yes, I did, as a matter of fact.

And what did you say to them?

Well, I said: "Him collar no very good starchy".

That's where I got it from, sir. I asked the Captain knowing he'd been in the East.

But Hastings, my collars, they do not get any better.

No. Neither did mine, now that I come to think about it. Why don't you get yourself some turn-down collars? They're much more the thing, you know.

The "thing", Hastings? You think Poirot concerns himself with mere "thing"ness? The turn-down collar is the first symptom of decay of the grey cells!

That's something in your line, Poirot. You like chasing about after the kind of triviality that leads nowhere.

The name of Poirot is feared on golf courses all over the continent.

GGolfer

You don't happen to have a handicap certificate on you, do you, sir?

No, no, I'm fine.

It is nearly 11:00. It is important that I have my tisane punctually.

Of course, Mr. Poirot. It's nearly complete, you see. My system. Every one of your cases, classified and cross-referenced five different ways.

Oh, yes. In this cabinet, names of witnesses. In this, name of perpetrator, if known, Victim's trade or profession, type of case. Abduction, addiction, adultery, see also under "marriage," bigamy, see also under "marriage," bombs.

See also under "marriage"?

Monsieur Waverly felt that Scotland Yard was not convinced about the seriousness of the case.

So he came to you, eh, Mr. Poirot?

Monsieur Waverly is a man of fine judgment and intelligence. Perhaps this is a serious matter.

You think so, eh?

I think better the safeness than the sorrow, Chief Inspector.

Very true, Mr. Poirot, very true, if you've got unlimited manpower. We see a hundred of these every day, Mr. Waverly. If we was to go chasing about after every one...

A hundred, Chief Inspector?

Well, perhaps not a hundred. Mustn't be too literal, Mr. Poirot.

Ah. Every day?

Every week, anyway. This is some disaffected employee, some envious neighbor.

MWMarcus Waverly

We're wasting our time, Mr. Poirot.

No call to take umbrage, Mr. Waverly.

MWMarcus Waverly

I'm a simple country squire. I pay my taxes, and I'm used to something in return. Now I know better.

There are a lot of taxpayers, Mr. Waverly. There are even quite a lot of country squires. If we was to...

MWMarcus Waverly

You're not only uncooperative, sir. You're damned offensive.

As you so rightly point out, you are paying me to exercise my judgment and discretion as to what is a serious threat to public order and what is not, and this is not.

MWMarcus Waverly

Your superior shall hear of this.

I hope he enjoys it as much as I have.

Prevention of crime is not what policemen are best at. They will need to have one constable for every citizen and go everywhere with him. [gesturing to his head] But fortunately for the human race, most of us have our own little policeman up here.

I have a dinner engagement with my dentist.

Your dentist? That's positively morbid.

But you're always trying to avoid him!

Not at all. Off duty he's quite charming. Besides, he likes to see the end product at work.

It's only been three weeks since your last case.

Three weeks is an eternity to a brain like mine. Without the constant stimulation, my little grey cells will starve and die.

[The car]'s been running like a bird since I've fitted the new gaskets.

Birds do not run, Hastings. When you were little, you should have paid more attention to your lessons in biology.

You're really in a bad way, aren't you?

Well, my friend, as one approaches the end, one begins to see life as it truly is.

You know, Mademoiselle Patricia, I once loved a very young beautiful English girl who resembled you greatly. But, alas, she could not cook. And the relationship withered.

[Grieving over his now totaled car] The front axle's sheared right through.

Oh, mon pauvre Hastings. [With sudden enthusiasm] But you must not brood! You must occupy yourself, eh? Go and telephone the Chief Inspector Japp and tell him we have caught his fish.

I've got your Friar's Balsam for you.

My what?

Your inhalant for your cold.

Poirot does not have colds, Miss Lemon. It is well-known that Poirot scorns but the greatest of afflictions.

But yesterday you-

Miss Lemon, yesterday was yesterday. My tisane, if you please.

PLPamela Lyall

[observing some Blackshirts] Look at them. Troublemakers always looking for a fight.

Perhaps. But for me, the English is more cold-blooded. His violence is more calculated.

PLPamela Lyall

[Noticing what looks like the beginning of an extramarital affair] Don't you think that human beings tend to reproduce certain patterns, Mr. Poirot? [Draws a triangle] Stereotype patterns?

Précisément, madamoiselle.

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