Hercule Poirot quotes from Agatha Christie's Poirot

Nothing like eighteen holes to build up an appetite. You really ought to try it, you know. You might find you actually enjoy it.

Hercule Poirot

To hit a little ball into the little hole, in the middle of a large open field, I think it is not to the taste of Poirot.

[after being exposed as the murderer] Dorothy Ferrars was an adulterous murdering bitch! She lorded it over us! All the money she had, she never worked for it, nor did her drunk of a husband before her. They were idle, useless parasites.

Stop it, James.

No! They didn't know what it was like. Scrimping and saving year after year, never able to afford a holiday, on call day and night to every idiot with a bilious attack for miles around. You've no right to stand in judgment on me. Blackmail? You call it blackmail? The law wouldn't punish her, would they? So I did. Well, there you are. I've done your work for you. Sorry Caro. Killing Ackroyd was easy. The knife was sharp, and I knew just where to strike. And for the rest, I simply had to follow my plan. The first thing to do was make sure everyone remembered me leaving the house. I drove away but parked the car a little way down the drive. Then I had to make it look as if Ralph Paton had entered through the window. He was a pathetic, profligate fellow. I knew Ackroyd had bought a dictaphone and had been using it. Now, I was going to use it to arrange for Ackroyd to speak from the grave. And then the business of the chair, which so intrigued you. I'd left Ralph Paton's muddy shoe outside when I entered through the window. Now, as I made my escape, I was able to use it to make a footprint on the sill.

Hercule Poirot

And then, of course, the dictaphone did its work. Which convinces us that Monsieur Roger Ackroyd was alive at half past nine, by which time you were safely back at home awaiting the telephone call from the patient whom you had persuaded to take part in what you had told him was a practical joke.

Yes, you did well there, Poirot. I was quite surprised when you showed us your telegram from the ocean liner. Well done.

Hercule Poirot

Thank you.

I needed the excuse of his phone call, you see, to ensure that I was first on the scene when the murder was discovered. I'd carefully calculated the position of the chair so that the dictaphone would be hidden from anyone standing in the doorway. When I'd sent Parker to telephone for the police, I had ample time to remove my contrivance and put the chair back in its accustomed place. Finally, I had to tell Ralph Paton of his uncle's murder, persuade him that he was in danger and get him to accompany me to the nursing home.

James Japp

Why did you kill Parker?

Parker was too observant. He remembered that he'd brought in five letters, not four, and that one of them was handwritten on dark blue paper. He knew he hadn't moved the chair. How long would it be before he realized I had? No, I couldn't take that chance.

Arthur Hastings

Everything was going fine until I made a foolish mistake. I invested in the Pampas de Fernandez Consolidated Railway. Well, they weren't consolidated. They didn't have a railway. And there's a huge mountain range between the two places. I lost just about everything. Poor Bella stayed behind to sell the ranch. I've come over here to find somewhere for us to live. Not that she's said a word against me. She's such a wonderful person. We're still as much in love as the day we met.

Hercule Poirot

When, if I remember correctly, you thought her to be guilty of murder, n'est-ce pas?

Arthur Hastings

Yes, well, since then I think I've learned what makes women tick.

Hercule Poirot

Ah, yes. The ticking of the women. It has always been a mystery to Poirot.

Arthur Hastings

There's nothing like marriage, that's the truth of it. The day I met Bella, it was as if I'd found myself. Ever since, I've been a completely different man.

James Japp

Different man, yes. Could say the same about me, I suppose.

But you're happily married, Chief Inspector.

James Japp

I don't know about that, Miss Lemon. You see, my Emily, she just doesn't understand my work. She never lets me talk about murder at the dinner table. And her tidying! It just gets worse and worse. Sometimes, I wonder how I've lived with her these twenty-seven-and-a-half years.

It's a shame you've never considered marriage, Mr Poirot.

Hercule Poirot

There were occasions, Miss Lemon, when I did have la tentation. The temptation. But now, alas, I think it is too late.

So you knew all along that it wasn't Brian, then?

Hercule Poirot

Oui, mademoiselle. But Monsieur Martin was not alone in his dislike for Lady Edgware. [to Miss Carroll] You, Miss Carroll. When I asked you the identity of the woman you saw entering the hall of Regent Gate...

[flashback, talking to Poirot and Hastings] It was her. I'd know her anywhere. And I saw her quite clearly.

Hercule Poirot

But you were standing high up on the landing. The person who entered that night wore a hat with a slanting brim. From where you were standing, it would have been impossible to see the face.

I saw her.

Hercule Poirot

Non, mademoiselle. You saw, I think, what you wished to see, hein? The woman who had wronged the man you had well served.

It's true. She never deserved him.

Hercule Poirot

And it would have been impossible for Jane Wilkinson to have committed the murder. Because as we now know, Jane Wilkinson changed her mind and attended the dinner at Holborn. [to everyone] But from the beginning, I have been perplexed by five questions. One: What happened to the letter written by Lord Edgware informing his wife that he had agreed to the divorce? Two: Who is this letter P on the little gold medicine box? Three: Who made the telephone call to Jane Wilkinson at the dinner at Holborn? Four: How did a pair of pince-nez come to be discovered in the handbag of Carlotta Adams? And five: Why did the letter of Carlotta Adams state quite clearly that it was Ronald Marsh who paid to her the sum of $2,000 when it was impossible he could have afforded that sum?

Do you have the answers?

Of course Mr. Poirot has the answers. That's why you're here.

Hercule Poirot

Ah, madame. You are a woman most remarkable. Eh, parbleu, to pull over my eyes the cotton wool. The letter, the disguise. Et surtout, to send me to your husband, to turn me into a witness that you had no motive for murder. Ma foi! You made of me, Hercule Poirot, your cat's-paw.

But it's true, Mr. Poirot. There was no motive if she was going to get a divorce.

Hercule Poirot

A divorce would have been of no use to her, Miss Lemon. Which is why she pretended never to have received the letter from her husband. [to the Duke of Merton] Monsieur le Duc, you are of the religion catholique, n'est-ce pas?

Yes, I am. How did you know?

Hercule Poirot

Jane Wilkinson told me you intended to get married at Westminster. Et naturellement, I assumed that she meant the Abbey. But later, you invited me to the Cathedral. Westminster Cathedral. Et voila. It was then that I knew that you must be catholique.

James Japp

And he couldn't marry a divorced woman.

Hercule Poirot

Oui.

James Japp

So that's why Lord Edgware had to die.

My God, Jane. Tell me it isn't true.

I'm sorry, Percy. [to Poirot] I really thought I'd get away with it, you know. I thought I had you, ze great detective, 'round my little finger. I've always had that, you know. A power over men.

Hercule Poirot

I wished only to protect you, madame. But I could not protect you from yourself.

Jane!

Oh, I'm not going to deny it, Percy. Why should I? After all, I've actually enjoyed it. All of it. Even being caught. I mean, it does put me centre stage. And who knows? Maybe they'll put me in Madame Tussauds.

Arthur Hastings

But surely no one could think of murder in such a beautiful place.

Hercule Poirot

No, no, no, no, Hastings. It is romantic, yes. It is peaceful. The sun shines, the sea it is blue. But you forget, mon ami, that there is evil everywhere under the sun.

Hercule Poirot

[after Hastings theorizes that Arlena Stuart was hiding from someone] Hastings, once again, you come up with an explanation that makes everything clear.

James Japp

Not to me it doesn't.

Arthur Hastings

You mean she was afraid of someone?

Hercule Poirot

I mean, Hastings, that there is evil on this island. And the murder that took place here was the work of a mind that was brilliant. But there is one thing the killer did not expect. The mind of Hercule Poirot. Eh bien. It is now time for these two minds to meet, and the truth at last must come to light.

You're very clever, aren't you? I hope you don't expect me to confess. So, what are you going to do?

Hercule Poirot

I shall do what I can to induce the appropriate authorities to grant to Caroline Crale the posthumous free pardon.

And me? What are you going to do about me?

Hercule Poirot

I shall lay my conclusions before the necessary people. If they decide that there is a case against you, they may act. But it is my opinion that the evidence is not sufficient. Inferences only, eh? Not facts. Moreover, I believe they will not be anxious to proceed against a person in your position.

When I saw Caroline take the coniine, I thought she meant to kill herself. But the next morning when I overheard them talking about me, I ... I loved him and he was just stringing me along and she felt sorry for me. I watched him die, Monsieur Poirot, and I never felt more alive. But what I didn't understand was that I was killing myself. It was as if they hadn't died at all, but I had. I died, Monsieur Poirot.

As I said before, Mr. Poirot, let the dead rest in peace.

Hercule Poirot

Not when one has to consider the living.

You were surprised to find me here.

Hercule Poirot

I am more sorry than surprised. You have chosen a path that is most dangerous, mademoiselle. I doubt that you would turn back now, even if you could.

Oh, well. One must follow one's star.

Hercule Poirot

Love is not everything.

Oh, but it is. It is. You must know that, Monsieur Poirot. Surely, you understand.

Hercule Poirot

[after a long silence] It is terrible, mademoiselle, all that I have missed in life.

Hercule Poirot

Ah, Monsieur Allerton, I would like very much to have a little word with you.

What can I do for you?

Hercule Poirot

There's nothing you can do for me, monsieur, but to sit and to listen.

Right, well, I'm very good at that. You can rely on me to say, "Ooh, ah" at all the right moments.

Hercule Poirot

"Ooh, ah" will do very nicely. Thank you. [time transition, Poirot, Race, and Allerton seated at a table as a servant places a teapot before them] Merci. [to Allerton] So, to begin, your friendship with your cousin, Joanna Southwood. For the past three years, Scotland Yard has been preoccupied with a number of jewel robberies. And, you know, the method has been always exactly the same. Oui. The substitution of the original with an imitation. Attention soon focused on Mademoiselle Southwood. You see, every one of the victims had been either a friend or an acquaintance. It also became clear that she did not make the substitution herself. No, no, no. She would have a jeweler make her a copy, and then the substitution would be made by someone else. But the identity of this person has remained a mystery.

Ooh, ah.

Hercule Poirot

Oui. But over the past few days, certain facts have emerged that have been most helpful. Your attendance at the house party when one such robbery occurred, your obvious resentment of my presence here, and the discovery that the pearls belonging to Linnet Doyle were missing. But what do I find? I find that the pearls that were stolen and returned were imitation, previously substituted for the real thing. It would have been easy for Mademoiselle Southwood to have found an opportunity of examining the pearls of her friend and to have made a copy. And it was then just a question of waiting for the right moment for you to make the substitution. Eh bien, you learned that Linnet Doyle was to honeymoon in Egypt, so, oh, parfait, hein? Mademoiselle Southwood sends to you the imitation, concealed, I suggest, in a parcel of books. You then bide your time. Finally, you make the substitution, return to your cabin, and conceal them by gluing them into a rosary. Unfortunately for you, the night you chose to do the deed was the same night that Linnet Doyle was murdered. But even more unfortunately was the fact that someone saw you leave her cabin. "Ooh, ah," would you not say, Monsieur Allerton?

Henrietta Savernake

Aren't you an artist, too, Monsieur Poirot?

Hercule Poirot

On the whole, I would say no. Oh, I have known crimes that were artistic, supreme exercises of the imagination, but the solving of them, no. No, the creative power is not what is needed. What is required is a passion for the truth.

Henrietta Savernake

What happens to me now?

Hercule Poirot

Go, my child. Your place is with the living. I will remain here with the dead.

Hercule Poirot

May Poirot sit, signora? He wishes to tell to you a little story.

I despise fiction.

Hercule Poirot

Ah. But this little story, it is true. It is about Monsieur Rufus Van Aldin, a man of authority accustomed to acquiring whatever he wants whenever he wants it. But he is not able to secure the divorce of his daughter, Ruth, without the evidence of the adultery of his son-in-law, Monsieur Derek Kettering. Alors, he learns that his son-in-law plans to join his daughter, Ruth, on the Blue Train.

I don't know any of these people.

Hercule Poirot

And, you know, he does a thing most extraordinary. He sends his lover on the train, also, to offer herself to Monsieur Derek Kettering. Et quel cauchemar. The plan, it fails, no? Monsieur Kettering proves immune to her powerful charms because he has a secret that nobody else knows.

He loves his wife.

Hercule Poirot

C'est ça. Why did you enter the compartment of Madame Kettering?

That was weakness. I wanted to see her things.

Hercule Poirot

But while you were in there, you found and kept the page of a letter concerning the wife of Monsieur Van Aldin. And reading it at dinner, it naturally upset you. But you resolved to see the woman for yourself.

I was curious to see what would be my fate should I ever marry Rufus. She was convinced that I was her daughter. Color-blind as well as mad. However, it seemed cruel to disabuse her. Her life has been sufficiently unfortunate.

Hercule Poirot

Well, that was kind.

I've spent most of my life being kind, monsieur. Mostly to men of about your age. And look where it has got me. Whoring for no pay. Life. Grossly overrated, I find.