Okay, now it's the battle phase. I'm attacking your schoolhouse with my Husker Knights. [summons three corn-shaped knights] And, I'm casting Cerebral Bloodstorm! [summons a flying brain which rains down a cornfield] So, what do you use to defend? [his Husker Knights and Cerebral Bloodstorm starts charging into Finn's side]
Uhh... can my Cool Dog and Ancient Scholar defeat your Husker Knights? [Jake laughs out loud]
Of course not!
Hmm... Then, I floop the pig.
What?! [he giggles]
What?
Okay, okay. First of all, you don't floop a creature to make it fight. You activate a creature.
Hmm, no — it says I can floop the pig. See? [summons a pig]
[the pig is flooped onto the battlefield. It runs past the Knights and Bloodstorm and begins eating the cornfields; Jake gasps in shock]
No! He's eating all my cornfields! My Husker Knights draw energy from corn! [his Knights drop dead]
And since I'm not actually attacking, your Cerebral Bloodstorm only does damage to your own kingdom's troops. [the Bloodstorm strikes thunder to his Knights; Jake gasps loudly]
You just wiped out my entire attack!
What do you expect if all your power units come from corn? Pigs eat corn, dude. Cornfields stink.
Cornfields are awesome!! What makes you think you know so much about Card Wards?!
It's just logic.
You're the cool guy, huh? Well, let me make it a little hot for you, then. (He chuckles sinisterly as he floops a land card) I floop the VOLCANO!
WHA!? That'll destroy your kingdom, too, won't it?!
(scoffs) Maybe.
AAH! MY PIG!!!
(Jake's Earlings also perish in the lava as it destroys Jake's domain.)
(chuckles) The pig is dead.
YOU GANKED MY SPIRIT WALKER!!!
(Angered, Jake gets up and has a fit, mumbling frustratedly as he thrashes around.)
Uh...maybe we should take a break?
(Jake turns back around and returns to the table.)
Your turn.
Huh?!
(grows large) YOU PLAY! YOU PLAY!!!
Oh, zang!
(Finn looks back on BMO's earlier statement, "I do not play such games...with Jake.", and he stands up.)
I gotta use the boy-style room!
(Finn runs upstairs to search for BMO.)
(whispering) BMO. BMO.
BMO CHOP! If this were a real attack, you'd be dead.
Oh, no! Are you winning the game of Card Wars?
Yeah.
That's terrible! If Jake loses that game, he gets super depressed. When I beat him, he wouldn't talk to me for a month!
Wha? I only played so he wouldn't be bummed.
Finn, you must take a dive.
Yeah, okay. But I'm a Card Wars super-Amadeus.
More from this episode
More Adventure Time quotes · These quotes come from Wikiquote's Adventure Time pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.