Chimney quotes from 9-1-1

Chimney

Self-driving cars, smart homes, robot labor. I'm telling you, Hen, the future is here and it is terrifying.

Buck

Never lost anyone before. Does it get any easier?

Bobby

No.

Chimney

Look, people die and that's part of the gig, right? Your problem is, you're looking at your job like it's a long-term relationship. They're one-night stands, man. In that moment they mean everything to you. Once morning comes, [snaps] it's on to the next one.

Athena

You know why they make us wear these uniforms right? Cops, firefighters, paramedics?

Chimney

Uhhhh, sex appeal.

Buck

So people can easily identify us.

Athena

True, but it's also for our own good. Because when we take the uniform off at the end of the day, it symbolizes letting go of all the sad, crazy, inhumane things we've seen that day.

Buck

So is your full name Eduardo?

Eddie

No.

Buck

Do people ever call you "Diaz"?

Eddie

Not if they want me to respond.

Buck

Something's gotta give. We got Cap, Hen, Chimney, Buck. We can't just call you Eddie.

Eddie

[to Chimney] Can't tell if he's being serious or not.

Chimney

I always like to operate on the assumption that nothing he says is serious.

Buck

What about "G.I.", like G.I. Joe. "Hey G.I.!" You know, that's a great nickname.

Hen

Sounds like "gastrointestinal".

Eddie

Yeah, I don't think so.

Bobby

If you weren't doing this what would you be doing?

Chimney

Fighter pilot, Top Gun, call sign: Shogun.

Bobby

What about you Hen?

Hen

Editorial cartoonist, The New Yorker. [Chimney and Bobby stare at her] I have a lot to say.

Bobby

You draw?

Hen

No, it's a dream, it's not supposed to attainable. [looks at Chimney] Top Gun? You can barely drive, you rebar head.

Chimney

Alright, Buckeroo, if you were not a member of the LAFD, what would you be doing?

Buck

Uh, I don't know. I'm not getting fired am I?

Chimney

That's inevitable.

Hen

He'd be a golden retriever.

Chimney

Bartender. No, no, a bouncer at a bar.

Hen

Bouncer at a strip club.

Bobby

Listen up, here's how you make it to the end of the day. You don't worry about the things that you can't do anything about. Focus on one task at a time. I can't order you guys to go inside that building and I'm not gonna judge if you decide not to.

Chimney

Hen, you've got a kid.

Hen

Yeah, and I'd hope if someone whose job it was to save him would do it, no matter what.

[sees Hen kneeling over him] Oh hell no. [looks at Bobby] You do it.

Bobby

Sir, I am not a trained paramedic. I can't intubate you, they can.

I'm fine.

Chimney

Sir, you're not fine. Your bowel is probably obstructed. The contents of your colostomy bag are backing into your system. You're about to choke on your own waste. You will suffocate and die.

Get away!

Bobby

Sir, if you refuse care we cannot administer it by force.

[looks at Eddie's name tag] What about him? Diaz. What kind of name is that?

Eddie

My father's from Mexico. My mother's Swedish. I can help you out with the Swedish half but no one told me which half that is.

Bobby

[annoyed] Would you like me to call you another paramedic team so you can have an all-white one?

Hen

He's gonna aspirate.

Chimney

Actual diarrhea of the mouth. Outstanding.

Buck

Guys, I... I found it. [looks excitedly at the meteor inside the hole] All the way from outer space. Should I grab it?

Bobby

Doesn't belong to you, Buck.

Chimney

It belongs in a museum.

Eddie

I remember the drama when my sister was applying to college. Think that's half the reason why I decided to join the army.

Bobby

Well, you tell a 17-year-old kid that their future depends on writing 600 perfect words, the pressure's gonna get to 'em.

Buck

I don't remember what my college essay was about.

Chimney

Why don't you call Maddie and ask her what she wrote for you?