Edgar, Gretchen and others in “Genetically Inferior Beta Males”

You got me in with the pot people. They're the worst people. Worse than people who study abroad or atheists or...

Ooh, what about children of celebrities who pretend that it didn't help their careers.

These pot activists leech off of people with legitimate problems in order to further their agenda, which is just getting high! Why did you make me do this?!

I was looking out for your best interests.

Yeah, well, I'm done with Dr. Weed.

Hey! If I quit every time my mother pushed me to do something hard, I wouldn't have... I-I... Okay, well, I guess I did quit eventually to start doing drugs and having unprotected sex with college boys. But the point...

No! No more advice! I hate you.

[as Edgar leaves] I was only trying to fill your...

[entering] Look what I made! I went to Kinko's. Talked to some undergrads making a 'zine. It's a lovely place. Anyway, turns out I've been living my entire life in opposition to my father. And now that he's dead, I have no idea who I really am. Am I even a writer? Who knows? Maybe I'm meant to be a master carpenter/tree-house architect/singer-songwriter. Anyways, although my zoo animals are likely dead or escaped, I'd like to thank you for taking that router and forcing me to explore the world. Okay. I'm gonna go into the backyard and test some branches for load-bearing capacity.