“A Right Proper Story” quotes from You're the Worst

Jimmy

"Flight itinerary: Heathrow to L.A.X." No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. This cannot be happening. Why would my family be flying here?! They can't do that.

Gretchen

So tell 'em to suck your dick.

Jimmy

Well, I can't tell them "to suck my dick," Gretchen, because they're already in the air! They arrive in the morning. "For four days"?! Why the hell are they...? Gretchen, the, uh, the-the... the letters that I gave you, you-you didn't...?

Gretchen

Yeah, I mailed them like you asked.

Jimmy

No! Why would you do that?! They were just threats, so if I didn't hit the page count, you were to mail the letters!

Gretchen

I don't get it.

Jimmy

Oh, my God, and the love letter to Becca. And there was a third one. What was it?

Gretchen

Oh, yeah, it was bad. I remember that.

Jimmy

I'm already regretting not slapping you harder.

Jimmy

You must be in university by now.

Oh, I was going to go, but they pointed out that university is just a place wankers go to study poetry and fist themselves.

Jimmy

Did you know my entire childhood was spent with the lot of you incessantly mocking me. The first time I learned to ride a bicycle and fell into that pile of loose lead. [The family laughs] My phase of wearing Mum's high heels. And, yeah, the famous Shitty Jimmy incident, which, if you remember, only happened because Fi pushed me!

In my defense, I only pushed you so you'd fall in shit!

Jimmy

And now you've come to cow me again? Well, it will not work. Do you know why? Because I understand that you're not the sisters I looked up to, or the father whose... or the father whose approval I desperately wanted. You are just unhappy, uneducated garbage! And I want you out of my house! [They laugh more] It's not funny!