So they are, railway trains are impartial too, but if you lay down the lines for them that's the way they go.
“The Middle-Class Rip-Off” · Season 3, Episode 7
In this episode: Sir Humphrey Appleby (4), James Hacker (3), Bernard Woolley (2)
[calmly] Bernard, subsidy is for art, for culture. [almost furiously] It is not to be given to what the people want! It is for what the people don't want but ought to have!
Nothing wrong with subsidising sport. Sport is educational.
We have sex education too. Should we subsidise sex, perhaps?
[earnestly] Oh, could we?
In addition to your existing responsibilities, you will be Cabinet Minister responsible for the Arts.
[smiling] Eh? I say, that's rather good, isn't it? Hold on -- how do you know about this before I do?
Oh, I just happened to be with the Cabinet Secretary shortly after the decision was taken.
[pleased] Cabinet Minister with the responsibility for the Arts, eh? Well well well!
Yes indeed!
Thank you for letting me know, Humphrey! Anything more? I'm just about to start a meeting.
Oh, the meeting, yes. Now Minister, I do hope that you've considered the implications of your new appointment on the subject you're discussing.
What, rescuing a football club?
No, no, no; I was wondering how it would look if, as Cabinet Minister responsible for the Arts, your first action would be to knock down an art gallery.
CBCouncillor Brian Wilkinson
I can't believe this! You mean I've got to go and tell the people back home that you've gone back on your word? I mean, it was your own idea!
I mean, it's not me, it's the law!
CBCouncillor Brian Wilkinson
Well, why didn't you find out until now?
Well, um--
[Bernard coughs, attracting the Minister's attention, and keeps glancing at the paperwork for increased allowances for councillors, until Hacker finally gets the hint]
[taking the paperwork in hand] Let me be absolutely frank with you. The truth is, it would be possible to push this through. Just possible. But it would take an awful long time.
CBCouncillor Brian Wilkinson
Okay, take the time! We've spent enough!
Yes, but the trouble is, you see, something else would have to go by the board. And the thing that's taking my time at the moment is forcing through this increase in councillor's expenses and attendance allowances. You see, I can't put my personal weight behind both schemes. I suppose I could forget about the increased allowances for councillors...
[Wilkinson and his fellow councillors look at each other, alarmed]
...concentrate on the legal obstacles to the sale of the art gallery.
CBCouncillor Brian Wilkinson
[in a less confrontational tone] Tricky things, legal obstacles.
And this is a particularly tricky one.
CBCouncillor Brian Wilkinson
And at the end of the day, you might still fail.
Every possibility.
CBCouncillor Brian Wilkinson
Well, if that's the way it is... [turns to one of his fellow councillors] There is a chance that we might want to close Edgehill Road Primary at the end of the year. That site should fetch a couple of million, give or take.
[the councillors rise from their chairs]
CBCouncillor Brian Wilkinson
Well, there it is, then! No ill feelings, Jim! [shakes hands with the Minister]
Good! And you'll explain locally that we can't overcome the legal obstacles?
CBCouncillor Brian Wilkinson
Of course we will!
[Councillor Wilkinson points at the paperwork regarding increased allowances for councillors]
CBCouncillor Brian Wilkinson
Ah, carry on with the good work, eh?
[the councillors depart]
Oh, Minister...a work of art.
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