Xavier: Renegade Angel Season 1 quotes

Son, it was you who killed me.

What kind of stupid name is "Yoohoo"? Well, when I find that demon, I shall slay him -- to death! (calling out) Yoohoo! Yoohoo!

No, no, no, no. No, not Yoohoo. It was you, damn it! You, Xavier! You killed your own father!

The pride I feel for finally fingering my father's killer is dampened only by the fact that I promised to kill my father's killer. I fingered myself. To death.

I, alone, stride along to strive alone to unify all men in the greasy heat of my unifrier.

This happy place holds magic meaning, for 'twas my mother's nickname. Truckers, delivery guys, men coming in and out of the house all day called her the Grand Canyon, but I never knew why. It's just a great wide gash, spread open for the enjoyment of all to come inside as he pleases and pleasures. Often there's a donkey in there. (Sees a man and woman on the road grieving) Hee-huh?!

A dead child is like pudding. The proof is in the fact that he probably looked like pudding when he got hit by that car. And I think it's time you be pudding his chocolate memory to rest.

Pills are just a psychotropic bond-aid on a biochemical crutch. I took a pill once, and I woke up with a booty hole the size of a wine bottle, fat end first. But did I whine? No, I turned to the bottle. And when I woke up from that, I met up with you fine folks to warn you about pills.

By the end of the day, you will have forgotten all about your dead turtle -- I mean son. (gasps) See?

Recent science has discovered that, for thousands of years, Tibetan monks used gutteral prayer chants to sooth their yellow souls in the yellow face of their yellow oppressors. But in our sophisticated world, who has time for that noise? You've got enough on your plate. Let Fiddelin do the spiritual legwork for you. At transcendental medication, we sonically condense the biodharmic vibrations of over 1,000 monk chants into every pill. Scienspiritific audiologists have found that vibration from a monk's throat doesn't radiate in megahertz but in megahearts.

Come to Jamaica!

If not now, when? If not it, what? If not things, stuff? Side effects include wetmouth, plaid blood, frozen day rate, herniated monsterism, taint misbehaving, urethral screamage, global colostomy face, wrongbody, restless lung syndrome and sexual diarrhea. Do not wake the sleeping yellow dragon. Who says you can't find purity in a pill? Tune in to Fiddelin with your soul.

Where I come from, sharing love without making a profit is called being a whore. And the working conditions here are whorifying.

Now we march. (Marches on a table.) No justice, no chants! No justice, no chant-- why aren't you chanting?!

We prefer the sacred silence.

Oh, break them down with the silent treatment, eh? So devilish, it's clevelish. I can hear it working on you already. (Yells progressively louder into the Monk's ears) You hear that silence?! Can you take it?! The crushing blow of that fiery silence as it explodes in your ear with silence!!! Vroom! Rrrr! Vroom! (Pretends to ride a bike around)

You've woken the yellow dragon! I've got to act now! This is the 9/11 of noise, the Chernobyl of chanting, the Hiroshima of humping, the Nagasaki of nookie, the Dachau of Auschwitzes!

Someone wants me dead?

Hell, you may not live to hear the end of this sen... tense, isn't it?

[interrogating Pavlov] I'm heading up this case. What do you know about chicken-choking? Where were you on the night in question? You seem awfully nervous for a guy who's totally freaked out right now. Do the words... mean anything to you? Are you that slippery throat-boner I'm itchin' to snatch?

Oh! Who's the new guy?

Without me, he'd be dead! Imagine a crab without its shell! Imagine a man without his skin.

Okay! I want to keep my skin! I pay, I pay!

This monkey on my back has got a twisted mind, but I like it! That's the twist.

You're the backup I asked for, right? What are you, CIA? FBI?

I'm investigating for a higher power.

I don't know how much you've been briefed, but I've been on the inside, tracking Don Ho for twelve years. I'm this close to his big secret. Obviously I've made some bad decisions on my first day and I've just had to stick with 'em. I was a hotshot kid just out of the academy and they didn't give us enough on character development, so I was just freeballin' it! I started the singing henchman thing out of nervousness, and the candy thing just happened. I see you've made some bad choices, too; you've got the fur and the fake snake hand--

Wait, you're not a cop!

Welp, I think I taught you every word and stretch there is. Say cheese.

[grunts three times, so as to say "Cheese"]

So, what do you wanna do now?

[grunts five times]

Why would you want to commit suicide?!

I know you crave release from your misery, but you've just doubled your depression.

You just squadrupled your squagmire!