Xavier: Renegade Angel Season 1 quotes

Shoot, I oughta punch his vacation-rapin' face from here to the local bus station!

Whoopsie-doodle, there was a mix-up at the cookie factory! We made the cookies way too big and the chocolate chips b-b-b-blue?!

My God! No one deserves a mix-up that bad! I've got to help those poor bastards.

Clumso the cookie chef really popped a boner into these yummy snacks! Blue chocolate Whoopsie Doodles, available for a limited time only!

Uh-oh, now there was a factory mix-up! We accidentally mixed up the cookie factory with the tampon factory!

Sir, this is private property. The company has a policy of not cottoning to freaks around these parts.

What's that, Mother Earth? You say this factory is poisoning you? And you need my help? What's that? You want me to repeat everything you say?

So you admit it is your fault. You kill off the corn mutants, I stay back and protect the womenfolk. Oh!

Society is about to end, girl, and it's up to us to start repopulating the planet.

I suppose.

Who did this to you guys?

Our...son. (He dies.)

I know it was arson, Dad, but who did it? Daddy! I shall avenge thee!

Been saving myself for marriage, or at least consent.

Man, I must have wolfed a mind-burrito, because I just had a massive brain fart.

I'm looking for Puggler.

I think he took off, man, to go to Burning Person or something.

We're at Burning Person.

I went to Burning Person this year?

It is my sad duty to announce that our sign language translator has donated her hands to the Needy Groper's Society. In her place we have "Popo", a very special gorilla from the research center who has been studying sign language under the tutelage of my wife, June, for three years.

I'm too overcome to speak about my husband's mysterious death, but Popo has asked to say a few words.

What's that, Popo? (interpreting Popo's sign language) She's saying that this time of great loss illuminates the bonds we share as a community, and for that we must give praise to the Lord. Now she's being very eloquent, saying some very touching things. She's being moving. Still being moving...

It's so moving!

This go-rilla is go-ing places!

(interpreting Popo's sign language) Popo's urging you to dismiss the power of your rational mind. She's using fear of death, playing on your insecurities, there's a rock-solid elegance to the arguments.

So elegant!

We're back! WCRST, Succotash and the Bird in the morning. The Christian zoo radio hooty-hoo featuring Succotash and the Bird in the morning. Accept the Savior, get into the glorious kingdom of Heaven. Succotash, succotash, call us up, win some cash! We got Christ, we got faith, we got traffic on the 1's, weather on the what, we got Popo the preaching gorilla in the studio, how you doing today, Popo? Kind of making a splash in the preaching scene. Make a splash, make a splash, succotash, call us up, win some cash! Well it's 5:55. Let's check in on the 5 W's. We got who, what, when, where, why how's the weather this morning?

Weather's on the traffic, traffic's on the--

No time for-- Succotash, succotash, win some cash! Accept Christ into your heart, look down on us from the glorious kingdom of Heaven. Now, Popo, I understand you're starting your own 700 Club, seven's a prime number, you're in the prime of your life, life could change, win a chunk of change, succocash, succotash, call us up, win some cash! Got a caller on line 7, are you there?

Yeah. Did I win some cash?

Oh! So close...was the phrase that pays, and we give praise, bow your heads. Well, thanks for coming in, Popo! Coming up, we got traffic on the 1's. It's traffic every one second! There's traffic, there's traffic, there's traffic, no traffic, there's traffic, sigalert remix!

So if I have sex with that gorilla, the entire world will go to Heaven?

Balls never lie. The world's hymen will be restored. Innocence regained.