Xavier quotes from Xavier: Renegade Angel

(After 'saving' the people from cryostasis) I rescued you from icy demise! All your life are belong to me!

(After killing people he 'saved' from cryostasis) That's it! I give up! I sacrificed everything - even your lives - for you people, and what do I get?!

(Whilst peeling off a dead man's face and using it as a mask) I'll just fit in. Take on a normal life! Meet a nice job; hold down a well paying family!

(To himself in a mirror) Okay, you look normal. Now just act normal. Clutch the dark purple hairs of the galloping orangutan of normalicy and ride, nigga, ride!

I gotta warn you, If you beat me up, one day that pain will come back to me [Xavier folds himself in a sexual position] sexfold.

[picking up the Muslim] They queefer to be called Sandfrican-Americans!

If you want to experience the real America, you've got to build an artificial world, a robotic amusement park, full of android Americans programmed to be good to you and to let you into their humble lives.

[trying to perform CPR on a dead man at a funeral] People! A man has fallen! Man down! He needs help! You dark heartless rubberneckers sit back in black! Asses to asses! Butts in dust, doing nutting all over the face of this place!

I hate to brag my britches, but I'm a rather large medium when I penetrate the gray veil. Baleed me, once I get this dead motor mouth yapping through me, he won't stop chewing my lips off till I have to knock his black off and jack our mouths off.

Mine is the story of a man searching far and wide, fat and thick and deep for his mother once thought dead. Have you seen her? She's about yay tall and about ooh, big [cupping where breasts would be on his chest] and about mmm, nice. [groping his crotch] I have a sketch you could print. [pulls out sketch of himself]

[after having sex with his mother] I am no longer a mama's boy. She made me a mama's man.

What doth life? Are we just fleshy blips in some meaningless stew of cosmic oblivion? Or is it vice-reversa? Is our every trolip through fate's garden infused with a mystic--

(throws a bottle, shattering Xavier's shakashuri) Hey bunghole, cease that inner yappin'!

I don't want no trouble, mister.

Freak, if you didn't want trouble, you shouldn't have wandered into Burbury, Connecticut.

Please. I'm just a simple seeker on a spirit quest to discover... what doth life?

We don't cotton to freaks here in Burbury, and we's done hate freaks with open, unquenchable cans of philosophical thirst-worms! (spits on Xavier's face)

You're gonna regret that. (licks the spit off his cheek) You shattered my shakashuri.

I hope y'all can play it three feet up your ass.

Don't know, but I'd sure like to try.

Whatcha gonna do, bird beast? Fly away? On your cuttlebone?

Yeah, cuddle this b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-bone. (pulls a bone out of his pants and throws it at Xavier's face.)

(kicks Xavier in the face, knocking him out)

So you use your powers to save people?

(scoffs) Powers are for the weak. I have no powers. I mean, unless you count the power to blow minds with my weapons-grade philosophical insights.

If the computer virus is infecting people, then I need a human virus to infecticide the computer.

Welcome to the US Army, how can I help you?

I need some of that disease you guys invented.

Crack?

The other one.

AIDS?

That's the spice.

You'll need to fill out an HC24-A requisition form.

I don't have time for that.

(sighs) I shouldn't do this, but here. Someone left this in the lost and found.

Frittata!

I believe that we are all one. By helping this tiny mosquito, in a way, I'm helping your mother.

(outraged) He's comparing the universal oneness of all life to your mama!

Take that! Taste the pain!