Ryan, you're buried under a box of secrets with a talking dog in a basement that may not even exist.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
That's how long you've been down in your basement playing a pointless game with your neighbor's dog and his, well, Bruce
"The thing that lies at the foundation of positive change is service to a fellow human being." - Lee Iacocca
For God's sake, go participate in the most beautiful experience life has to offer even if it means looking directly into your own sister's slop hole.
Mexico? You know they eat dogs down there?
They do not.
What, you don't think Mexico City has a Korea Town?
Ryan, I know the timing couldn't possibly be any worse, but I think someone might have dug up Mittens and eaten part of the corpse.
Remember when I mauled that Black teenager's face the other day? You think I did that because he had ice cream on his face? No. I did it because I hoped it would help him go on to be the next Seal.
I don't want to cast a darker shadow on an already tragic day, but I think someone may have eaten part of Jeremy's brains.
"Honesty and transparency make you vulnerable. Be honest and transparent anyway." - Mother Teresa
I'm returning the cats. There's no reason to keep them.
Dude, I was literally just about to kill them.
I will not rest until every cat in Venice is dead. And then I will move to my ultimate goal of making earrings out of the bronze testicles of every postal worker in the greater Los Angeles area.
Imagine how hilarious I'd look wearing a full-bodied animal suit.
Maybe there will be a feel good ending, like all the cats are found safe.
Or sex-butchered by a psychopath.
Wilfred, these are pets. People will be looking for them.
They're cats Ryan. No one cares.
Do you remember the scratch on my face, Ryan?
The one that's still there? Yes.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Wilfred pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.