[as they’re about to enter the crypt] Ew. What died?
Smells like childhood.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
I was told you could teach me how to control my ability.
GAGoody Addams
There is no controlling a raging river. You must learn to navigate it without drowning.
I enjoy funerals. I’ve been crashing them since I was old enough to read the obituary section.
[Wednesday follows a shadowy figure into the woods. In a clearing, she looks around. The figure suddenly lands behind her from a tree. Wednesday swiftly draws a hidden sword from the handle of her umbrella and stabs at the figure, who catches the blade between its hands, before a burst of electricity shoots from its hands down the blade of the sword, causing Wednesday to drop it.]
SFShadowy Figure
Still as sharp as ever, my pig-tailed prodigy.
[Recognizes the voice and gives a genuine smile] Uncle Fester!
How long have you been stalking me?
FUncle Fester
Just flew into town this morning and was hit by a wave of nostalgia.
I thought you didn’t go to Nevermore.
FUncle Fester
I didn’t. Your dad got all the brains. But I used to drop in on him. Usually from the ceiling with a dagger clutched between my teeth. Just to keep him on his toes.
Of course.
FUncle Fester
He filled me in on what’s been going on. Monsters, murder, mayhem. What fun!
[Wednesday brings Fester into a shed]
This place belongs to a friend.
FUncle Fester
You actually made a friend? That poor kid will be going home in a body bag. [Sees a beehive] Ooo, I like a hideout that comes with snacks.
Those bees are hibernating. They're practically Eugene's children. [Fester opens the beehive; firmly] That means do not eat them!
FUncle Fester
[Closes the beehive] You know, when you give me that death stare of disapproval, you remind me of your mother. Speaking of scary things, do you know what kind of a monster you're dealing with?
I haven't been able to identify it. [unfolds a drawing Xavier made of the monster, shows it to Fester]
FUncle Fester
Oooooo...It's called a Hyde.
As in Jekyll and Hyde?
FUncle Fester
Mmmhmm.
You've seen one before?
FUncle Fester
Oh, yeah. In '83, during my vay-cay at the Zurich Institute for the Criminally Insane. It's where I got my first lobotomy. But you know lobotomies; they’re kind of like tattoos. Can’t just get one.
XTXavier Thorpe
You know what your problem is?
I would love to hear your piercing insight.
XTXavier Thorpe
You don’t know who your real friends are. I’ve been on your side since day one. I literally saved your life, I believed your theories when nobody else did, and what do I get in return? Just nothing but suspicion and lies.
Fine. You want honesty? Here it is: Every time the monster's attacked, you've been right there. Starting with Rowan at the Harvest Festival. Then, on Outreach Day, you arrived just minutes after the monster disappeared, yet you say you didn't see it.
XTXavier Thorpe
I didn't realize proximity was a crime.
Then there's your drawing obsession. You have drawn the monster dozens of times, yet you've never seen it. Or so you claim. You even drew where it lived. Then, when Eugene went to investigate, you tried to kill him so he wouldn't spill your secret.
XTXavier Thorpe
You think I would hurt Eugene?
Let's not forget your oh-so-convenient appearance after Tyler had been attacked at the Gates mansion.
XTXavier Thorpe
If I am the monster...then why haven't I killed you?
[Hesitates] ...Because for some reason I cannot fathom or indulge, you seem to like me.
XTXavier Thorpe
[coldly] What's to like?
[after she kisses Tyler and has a vision of him being Hyde] Of course the first boy I kiss would turn out to be a psychotic, serial-killing monster. I guess I have a type.
Xavier warned me about you, but I didn’t listen.
TGTyler Galpin
Ironic now, huh?
Ironic would’ve been framing Xavier for murder while the real Hyde helped me put him away.
TGTyler Galpin
[to Wednesday] You know, at first, I’d wake up naked, covered in blood, no idea what happened. But over time, I started to remember everything. The sound of their screams, the panic in their eyes, and a fear so primal I could taste it. And it was delicious. You have no idea what’s coming.
I always believed relying on other people to be a sign of weakness. That inevitably they would lead me to disappointment. Turns out I’ve been the disappointment.
Are you kidding me? I’ve learned so much from you. Part of it is admittedly criminal behavior, but most people spend their entire lives pretending to give zero effs, and you literally never had an eff to give.
Will you forget about me?
Enid, the mark you have left on me is indelible. Anytime I grow nauseous at the sight of a rainbow, or hear a pop song that makes my ears bleed, I’ll think of you.
You have to come visit me in San Francisco. It's foggy and rainy every day.
Sounds tempting.
PLPrincipal Larissa Weems
Please don't make this more difficult than it already is, Marilyn.
My name is LAUREL!
LGLaurel Gates
I can't tell you how I've longed for this moment, what it means for my family--
JCJoseph Crackstone
SILENCE, WOMAN! Begone! Or I will cut thy tongue from thy wretched MOUTH!
LGLaurel Gates
Never meet your heroes...
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Wednesday pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.