[the NWO comes out spoofing the Four Horsemen, with Kevin Nash as Arn Anderson, Syxx as Ric Flair, Konnan as Steve "Mongo" McMichael, and Buff Bagwell as Curt Hennig]
Kevin NashI take care of Horsemen business. Before I go any further: Let me all of the Horsemen out here know one thing: Guys, the beer is on ice. You know something, it's pretty ironic that on Labour Day WCW would decide to honor me cause anybody that's followed my career knows one thing: You were always wondering when I was gonna go into labour.
[Scott Hall shows up again]
Wait a minute. Wait a minute. I don't want any trouble from you. I don't want any trouble with you here, now, but I don't have to point out. You came out here last week. Where is it, the big surprise? I mean I heard a lot of talk but where's the walk? [Hall points behind Eric] What? Where is he?
[Kevin Nash, formerly known as Diesel in the WWF, appears from behind and grabs the mike]
Kevin Nash
You've been sitting out here for six months running your mouth. This is where the big boys play, huh? Look at the adjective, play [sic]. We ain't here to play! Now, he [referring to Hall] said last week that he was going to bring somebody out here. I'm here. You still don't have your three people and do you know why? Because nobody wants to face us. This show's about as interesting as Marge Schott reading excerpts from Mein Kampf.
No trouble tonight, man. Speak your piece and...
Nash
Yeah, no trouble cause you know, I'll kick your teeth down your throat. Where are these three guys? You know you couldn't get a paleontologist to get these fossils cleared? You ain't got enough guys off a dialysis machine to get a team? Yeah, where's Hogan? Where's Hogan? Out doing another episode of Blunder in Paradise? Where's the Macho Man huh? Doing some Slim Jim commercial? Hey, we're here! You wanna say something?
Look, I don't have the authority right here right now. You want a fight? Fight isn't within me. You want to face three guys? Tomorrow morning at 9:00, I'm going to be in Atlanta. I'll be in the offices of WCW. I'll try and get you your fight and do you know what? Live this Sunday in Baltimore, Great American Bash, you guys want to show up? You want a fight? You show up and I'll see if I can get you your fight.
Nash
I don't know about you but they love us in Baltimore.
Hey big man, I say me and you, we be at the Bash. Maybe these punks want a fight.
Nash
Yeah, bring what you got! The measuring stick just changed around here buddy. You're looking at it. [Tosses Bischoff around before he and Hall leave]
[The show opens with the Outsiders in the ring with chairs having laid out the Nasty Boys and High Voltage. They go down to ringside where Tony and Larry are standing.]
Not again. Not again with this!
Kevin Nash
Does this work? Nice to see you dressed up this week, Larry! [to Tony] Hey, I don't see you laughing today huh?
Nash
I was so funny last week right? Funny like a clown right? Were you laughing at me? I ain't so funny tonight am I? You see, we can put this on any time we want. I can be funny, I can be deadly and so can this man! Hey, let me ask you a question.
You got the bad neck, right?
Nash
You got the bad neck, right? Do you want to pick up your kids, huh?
[to Larry who's not standing up for Tony] Do you want to step in here?
Hey, you're the one that laughed at them. They let me know what I think.
Nash
You talk about a triangle match, right? There's two of the combatants laid out right now.
You know, what I want to know is I've been hearing my whole career how scary the Faces of Fear are. They say, everybody says that Meng and the Barbarian are the two toughest guys in the business. Well you tell those two islanders, come on out here and we'll slap that coconut breath out of you. Tell them to come on down. You can't have a Pay Per View in WCW without inviting the nWo.
[Randy Anderson appears with his family to appeal to Eric Bischoff about hiring him back after the events of Souled Out]
Kids come on up here. It's all right Randy. It's all right, kids, could you do me a favor. Would you please tell your daddy... that he's still fired? [NWO laughs] Would you do that for me?
MAMontana Anderson
Please, Mr Bischoff!
Montana please, tell your daddy he's fired, get on with his life.
Kevin Nash
[mocks] Do it for little Tiny Tim!
SSyxx
God bless us everyone!
Kevin Nash
Alright. I've sat back here for about two hours and I'm about to puke. You know, the president has a state of the union address every couple of months. It's time the nWo has a state of the union address. Only difference is I'm not going to lie to you. I don't know what the hell's going on with the nWo right now. I tell you what, Kevin Nash and Syxx are here. And Scott Hall, people are wondering where Scott Hall is. Scott Hall's taking care of business more important than professional wrestling right now. Now while Bischoff, Hogan, Dibiase and Vincent are all up there at Rodman's opening day movie shenanigans, we're here taking care of business! So you boys in Chicago if you're watching, you better get focused because I'll tell you something right now. I'm getting pissed off! I'm getting tired of sitting around having you guys take my time. I'll tell you right now, you don't want to get me mad because I'm one person in this business that can stand alone!
SSyxx
Is this thing even working?
Kevin Nash
I don't even know. It's WCW.
Kevin Nash
I'll tell you something right now. Steiner Brothers, big win tonight, who cares? I'll tell you one thing in Tupelo, Mississippi, Nash will be there. Whether Scott's with me or not, it doesn't really matter. I'll be there, I'll take you on alone. And all you Napoleons back there, you know who I'm talking about. All you guys that you can't get on the adult life because you don't make the height requirement. The only reason you people breathe is because I ALLOW IT!! Yeah, I'll smash that camera! I'll tell you right now as long as I got breath in my lungs, I'll fight WCW BY MYSELF!!
But about a week ago, I went to the neighborhood bar, I bellied up against the bar like only I can and a fat broad - that's right, a fat broad - came up and smacked me in the back. That sent a chill down me... same fat broads that've been following the Horsemen for 20 years. But as I looked at that longneck laying on that cheap industrial grey carpentry, I said to myself: How ironic. That wasn't so much the fact that I was out three dollars and 75 cents, what it was to me was sand tickin' down through the hourglass - and everybody knows, so are the days of our lives. [Syxx imitates Ric Flair crying] You know one thing you can say, when Arn Anderson was comin' to town - besides the fact that I left a lot of unpaid bar tabs - was Arn Anderson was comin' to town. And you knew if I was on the card, how I was gonna give you 100 per cent - no matter how drunk, how hung over I was. I was gonna give you all ahead. And back in those days before the nWo, you eight people that bought those tickets, got one heck of a show. But you know what? As I come out here tonight, I ask you people: Don't remember how I used to be. Remember me how I look right now. [to Konnan] Good, Mongo!
[as Nash talks to Konnan] We've reached the lowest point ever on this program. We have.
Nash
[to Buff Bagwell] So Curt, that puts me and you and I got a challenge for you. Wait a second, I don't wanna fight you, cause I ain't want one in 20 years. What I got for you is a challenge, because as much as I wanna be a Horseman, I know if I come out here right now, I'd not only put him in danger, I would put my best friend in danger and I can't do that. So what I'm doing tonight is I got a challenge you and I ain't got much to offer you, cause the beer is spoken for. But what I do got is I got a spot. A spot with the Four Horsemen. Not just a spot, not a liver spot, not a 'Spot' like your dog Spot. No, not just any spot – but myyyyy spot. So I need to know right now: Do you accept it? My spot - not their spot, liver spot, not dog Spot, anybody's spot, MY spot to become a Four Horseman. Not my spot, anybody's spot, dog Spot, liver spot, MY spot.
BBBuff Bagwell
As much as I wanna say, I'm a double-A fan, as much as I wanna say I like to be a Four Horseman, it's hard to say 'cause I don't like you and I don't like the Four Horsemen. But I tell you what... it would be an honor. [shakes hand with Nash and raises four fingers]
[as the four NWO members make the Four Horsemen sign and reveal they are wearing NWO shirts with Four Horsemen parody images] And it's been a total joke now.
Not when you know Arn Anderson like we do.
I asked about security. I do understand security, they have had their hands full this entire time with holding Ric Flair, Curt Hennig, Mongo, all the Horsemen back.
Maybe the most pathetic display of all by the nWo.
Let me say this too. You nWo fans, look at this one long because, and I do have a hand of some of these television programs during the weekend because you're never going to see this again. Ever.
WCW Monday Nitro · 53 quotes
