And so, belting down the M1, you arrive in Leicestershire, and there is a 20-mile set of roadworks there--20 miles--which have average speed cameras set at 50mph for the entire length. Traffic's light, there's no rain, it's three lanes, but you're forced to do 50. Now, I don't know who the Minister of Transport is, but I want him to find the man who came up with that idea, go round to his office on Monday morning and punch him really hard in the upside of his testes. Just-- [mimes punching someone] --bumff. 'Coz if he doesn't, I'm going to find the man, and I'm going to attach him to a milling machine, and I'm gonna see if it's possible to turn a man's frank into a perfect cube. [audience laugh] Do you know why they have the 50mph speed limit? To protect the workforce... who weren't there! They were in bed, where I wanted to be!
No, I agree, I agree with you entirely, but the answer is not cubing people's heads. The answer is, when the workforce isn't there, do 70.
Well, you're just gonna get nicked.
No, but if everybody does 70--
Okay, who here would just do 70 through a set of roadworks with an average speed camera? [only James puts his hand up] Nobody, James! You go charging through and you're just gonna get booked!
No, but that's fine, but you can test it; stay at 70, because that's the speed limit, take it to court, in front of the jury, and you argue, correctly, that it is wrong to apply a 50mph speed limit when there's no-one there to protect.
So you're saying it's logic.
It is logic.
It's logic to kill Nelson Mandela.
No it isn't.
It is. No, it is, but you can't do it.
Killing Nelson Mandela is a grey area. But doing 70mph on the motorway--
What, is it black or white?
--is an absolute.
How many people went on that anti-war march? A million. We went to war. How many people went on the countryside march? 400,000. And fox hunting was still banned. The Government's not interested in the will of the people, particularly if it's just one pedantic long-haired old queen standing up in court saying, "Oh, I did 70 'coz it's logical."
You're absolutely right, speed limits on motorways can be a pain, and there's two solutions outlined for you. [points to James] A revolution... [points to Jeremy] ...or cubing people's heads. Alternatively, you could just... leave a bit earlier?
No, cube their heads!
Get up five minutes earlier.
I haven't got five minutes!
It's not five minutes anyway.
It's five minutes a day, if you have to commute-- anyone here from Leicestershire? Is anyone here? [a man puts his hand up] How did you get here--Jesus! [the camera centres on the man, who does indeed look like Jesus] Jesus is from Leicestershire! He is Jesus! Come here, Jesus! Come and join me!
[The man joins Jeremy]
Congratulations for--
Thank you.
It's slightly bigger news than the M1, but nevertheless, we'll gloss over the Second Coming... do you commute on that bit of road?
No, I go the back way.
Because of that [the roadworks]?
Yeah.
So how much is it adding to your transport every day?
Uhh... about ten minutes, quarter of an hour.
Ten minutes a day? That's--
I ride a donkey each way.
Each way, five days a week?
Yeah.
So that's an hour and forty minutes a week the Government is stealing from Jesus!
That's right.
Now that is a small point, that--
Thank you for sharing that with us.
["Jesus" walks back into the audience to massive applause]
Gordon Brown is stealing an hour and forty minutes from Jesus!
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