There is only one way we can settle this. [pointing to a board with two lists of names] So what I've got here is a list of famous people who in the past have owned a Ford Zephyr with a chrome nose: Elton John, Liberace, Dick Emery... remember, "Ooh, you are awful, but I like you..." ... and James May. ...What do they all have in common?
What you're trying to say is that because I've got a Corniche, I must, by association, have a wardrobe full of spangly jumpsuits, is that it?
That's it, yes, spangly jumpsuit man!
Right, okay, fair enough. [points to the second, much longer list of names on the board] Let's have a look at the Big's famous former owners. They are—
Is Max Mosley on that list?
No, it's worse! Look: Amin, Brezhnev, Ceausescu, Tito, Hoxha, Hussein, Castro, Klerk, Hirohito, Pot, Tung, and Elvis Presley.
An impressive list.
It is an impressive list, but, if your theory is correct, that means you're either going to murder millions of people, or, you're going to die on the bog trying to get 500 cheeseburgers out of your poo chute. [a reference to Elvis Presley]
So really, it comes down to a simple choice: camp...
...or camp commandant.
[he and the audience laugh] Exactly!
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