[During the opening sequence]
Tonight, James gets lost in a Lamborghini . Richard drives over a bridge in a Ferrari. And I wear a small hat in an Aston Martin.
“November 15th, 2009” · Season 14, Episode 1
In this episode: Jeremy Clarkson (12), Richard Hammond (7), James May (5)
[Talking about what would be the best car to take on a Grand Tour of Europe]
What you want for a Grand Tour is engine at the front, nice comfy suspension, four seats and a boot for all your luggage
Exactly, like the Aston
Well, yeah, it's the best... apart from the fact that the Ferrari costs £140,000, the Lambo £150,000 and the Aston is the best part of £170,000
Yes
And it's the slowest to 60mph.
Yes
And it's got the smallest top speed
Yes. But... [pointing to the Ferrari] that's a V8, [pointing to the Lamborghini] that's a V10, [pointing to the Aston] that's a V12. MORE, [emphasising the difference in height between himself and Hammond] is better.
[About Romania]
We imagine that here [in Romania] it's full of oxes and people throwing stones at gypsies.
Coming here in a car that costs £168,000 is a bit like turning up in the Sudan in a suit made entirely out of food.
[In the Romania road trip, connecting the Bluetooth systems of the cars]
[voiceover] So that we could talk to each other on our long journey, we decided to pull over and connect our phones into the cars' Bluetooth systems. In the Aston and the Lamborghini, this was very easy. However, in the Ferrari...
OCOnboard computer voice
Every new phone must be prepared before it is used.
Yes, preparing my phone.
OCOnboard computer voice
You may have...
Yes, yes, yes.
OCOnboard computer voice
..so that you can press the phone's button and say "Call Mary" to place a call to Mary. Pressing the VR button while the system is speaking...
PLEASE STOP!
[In the Romania road trip, talking about the Aston DBS Volante]
Aston Martin has gone to simply enormous lengths to make the DBS convertible as light as possible. It has a carbon-fibre bonnet, carbon-fibre wings, carbon-fibre boot, carbon-fibre door-pulls, even. They've even made the carpet out of a specially lightweight weave. And the results speak for themselves. This is by far and away... the HEAVIEST car of the three.
[In the Romania road trip, when a Dacia Sandero overtakes them easily on the road]
[voiceover] For miles, our convoy ruled the road. But then...
Oh, my God! Look here!
What's that?! Wha...?
That's the Dacia Sandero!
I'm going to see if I can hold on to the back of it.
The 1.2 16-valve... that thing can shift!
Come on! Keep up with the Sandero!
[In the news, talking about how Australian authorities are going to get tough on boozed up fans]
They say each fan is going to be limited to just 24 cans of lager each per day.
[sarcastically] Just 24?
24 a day, no more than that.
And Australians, don't think you can get round this by switching to wine, because that's limited as well... to four litres a day.
[Talking about the Porsche Boxster Spyder's "clever" gearbox]
It's got a very clever gearbox, it's called the... *stumbles*
Is it German?
It's a German name, it's really complicated..
Oh God..
So can I just spell this out, it's a D, O, P, P, E, L.. K.. U.. P, P.. L... U... N, G... S.. G.. E, T, R.. I, E, B.. E.
[Talking about a long German word for a gearbox]
Do you know what that means? You speak German.
I do.
What's the only German you can say?
Aber ja, natürlich Hans nass ist, er steht unter einem Wasserfall.
What's that mean?
"Naturally Hans is wet, he's standing under a waterfall."
Ok...
[Audience laughs]
I use it all the time.
[On the Stig]
Some say that in the autumn, all his arms go brown and fall off. And that if he wrote you a letter of condolence, he would at least get your name right. All we know is, he's called the Stog.
You mean the Stig.
That's what I said. I said it!
[voiceover] Meanwhile, Hammond's Ferrari had decided all on its own to make a telephone call.
OCOnboard computer voice
Selected. Calling: Vernon Kay now.
What? Vernon-
OCOnboard computer voice
Is this correct?
Why are you calling Vernon Kay?
[sound of call being placed]
Why are you doing that?
VKVernon Kay
Hello?
Vernon?
VVernon
Who are you?
[awkwardly] Hello mate, it's Richard Hammond.
[making their way along a narrow country lane]
Do we know that this is the right way?
Ah, sorry, Hammond I'm just following May.
You do know what you've just said, don't you?
[when being mobbed by children trying to leave a village]
We wanted to hit James over the head with a hammer, but the kids beat us to it.
[being hit by a child with a rubber hammer] Ow, ow, ow...
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Top Gear pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.