Titus quotes

82 total quotes



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[The FBI believes that the Titus family to be a terrorist group.]
Erin: We can't plan a hijacking! Listen, we can't even plan a wedding.
[straight cut to Titus]
Titus: Oh, we planned the wedding. We didn't plan on my mom killing her husband at the wedding. That was Mom's idea. She didn't know what to get us.

[Titus is facing off against Shannon's husband Stefan.]
Titus: Dad, what are we, German-Irish?
Ken: White. That's all that matters.
Erin: [offended] Papa Titus!
Ken: In society's eyes, I'm saying!

[Tommy has used the words "daquilicious" and "skosh" in conversation.]
Tommy: Oh, my God. "Daquilicious." "Skosh." I'm a homo!
Titus: *spit-take*

[Tommy's gay father, Perry, shows up.]
Ken: Shouldn't you be out there dancing with the construction worker, the cop, and the Indian?