The Fat Controller quotes from Thomas & Friends

Come on, Grandfather! Do look at this engine.

That's a tram engine, Stephen.

Is it electric?

[angrily] WHOOSH!

Shh! You've offended him!

But trams are electric, aren't they?

They are mostly, but this is a steam tram.

May we go in it, Grandfather? Please?

[to the guard] STOP!

At the station, Thomas' driver told the Fat Controller what had happened.

Dangerous to the public, indeed! We'll see about that!

The Fat Controller spoke to the Policeman. But however much he argued with him, it was no good.

The law is the law, and we can't change it.

The Fat Controller felt exhausted.

I'm sorry, Driver. It's no use arguing with policemen. We will have to make those "cowcatcher" things for Thomas, I suppose.

Everyone will laugh, Sir! They'll say I look like a tram!

The Fat Controller stared, then he laughed.

Well done, Thomas! Why didn't I think of it before?! We need a tram engine! When I was on my holiday, I met a nice little engine called Toby. He takes trucks from the farms, but the lorries are taking over most of his work and he needs a change. He has cowcatchers and sideplates. I'll write to his controller at once.

[after falling down the mine] Fire and smoke! I'm sunk! Oh, dear! I am a silly engine!

[smiles] And a very naughty one, too. I saw you.

Please get me out. I won't be naughty again.

I'm not sure. We can't lift you out with a crane. The ground's not firm enough. Hmm... Let me see... I wonder if Gordn could pull you out.

[nervously] Yes, Sir.

Hello, Percy. You look tired.

Yes, Sir. I am, Sir. I don't know if I'm standing on my dome or on my wheels.

You look the right way up to me. Cheer up. The new engine is bigger than you, and can probably do the work alone. Would you like to help build my new harbor? Thomas and Toby will help.

Oh, yes, Sir! Thank you, Sir!

[to the bigger engines, who are whistling impatiently] Stop that noise!

They won't let us in!

Duck, explain this behavior.

Beg pardon, Sir, but I'm a Great Western Engine. We do our work without fuss. But begging your pardon, Sir, Percy and I would be glad if you would inform these engines that we only take orders from you.

SILENCE! Percy and Duck, I'm pleased with your work today, but not with your behavior tonight. You have caused a disturbance. [to the big engines] As for you, you've been worse! You made the disturbance! Duck is quite right. This is my railway, and I give the orders!

[let off a lot of steam] WHOOSH!

Keep out!

Stop fooling! I'm tired!

So are we. We're tired of you. We like Diesel. We don't like you. You tell tales about us to the trucks.

I don't!

You do!

I don't!

You DO!

The Fat Controller came to stop the noise.

Duck called me a galloping sausage!

Rusty red scrap iron!

I'm old square wheels!

Well, Duck?

Duck considered.

I only wish, Sir, that I thought of those names myself. If the dome fits...!

He made trucks laugh at us.

The Fat Director recovered. He'd been trying not to laugh himself.

Did you, Duck?

Certainly not, Sir. No steam engine would be as mean as that.

[after crashing into the barber shop] Beg pardon, sir. Excuse my intrusion.

No, I won't. You frightened my customers. I'll teach you!

And he lathered Duck's face all over. Poor Duck. Thomas was helping to pull the trucks away when the Fat Controller arrived.

I do not like engines popping through my walls!

I appreciate your feeling, but you must know that this engine and his crew have prevented a serious accident. It was a very close shave.

Oh. Oh, excuse me!

He filled a basin of water to wash Duck's face.

I'm sorry. I didn't know you were being a brave engine.

That's all right, sir. I didn't know that, either.

You were very brave, indeed. I'm proud of you!

I am disappointed, Donald. I didn't expect such um... clumsiness from you. I had decided to send Douglas back and keep you.

I'm sorry, Sir.

I should think so, too. You have upset my arrangements. Now, James will have to help with the goods work while you have your tender mended. James won't like that.

Hello, Percy. It's nice to be back.

Percy jumped.

Uh, uh, yes, Sir! Yes, Sir! Please, Sir!

You look nervous, Percy. What's the matter?

Please, Sir, they've made me a "desperation", Sir, uh, to speak to you, Sir. I don't like it, Sir.

The Fat Controller pondered.

Do you mean a deputation, Percy?

Yes, Sir, please, Sir. Uh, it's Donald and Douglas, Sir. They say, Sir, that if you send them away, Sir, well, they'll be turned into scrap, Sir. That would be dreadful, Sir. Uh, please, Sir, don't send them away!

Thank you, Percy. That will do.

[firmly] You are a very naughty engine.

[with guilt] I know, Sir. I'm sorry, Sir.

Thomas' voice was muffled behind his bush.

[calmly] You must go to the works and have your front mended. It will be a long job.

Yes, Sir.

Meanwhile, a diesel rail car will do your work.

A-A-A d-diesel, Sir?

Yes, Thomas. Diesels always stay in their sheds till they are wanted. Diesels never gallivant off to breakfast in stationmasters' houses.

My engines work hard. I send lazy engines away!

Daisy was ashamed.

However, Toby says you worked hard after Percy's accident. So, you shall have another chance.

Thank you, Sir! I will work hard, Sir. Toby says he'll help me.

Excellent! What Toby doesn't know about Branch Line problems isn't worth knowing. Our Toby's an experienced engine!

[seizes his top hat] Mine! Percy, look at this.

Yes, Sir. I am, Sir.

My best trousers, too.

Yes, Sir. Please, Sir.

We must pay the passengers for their spoiled clothes, and my trousers are ruined. I hope this will teach you not to play tricks with the coaches.

[to Diesel, after his mishap with the trucks earlier] The harbor master has told me everything. Things worked much better here before you arrived. I shall not be inviting you back! Now, Duck and Percy, I hope you won't mind having to handle the work by yourselves again.

Oh, no, Sir.

Yes, please, Sir.

[having heard of James' recent antics] Some jokes are funny, but not this one, James. You have caused confusion!

[disappointedly] Yes, Sir.

You will now stay in your shed until you are wanted.

I was here first!

But you're in my way! You'll have to back up again.

I won't!

You will!

I won't!

The Fat Director came to stop the noise.

If you don't behave, I shall not allow you here again.