TV show quotes
Morning.
Oh! Oh, Rob, Laura. ("accidentally?" sprays their legs with the hose) I'm so sorry. So, good morning. So how was your first night? Peaceful?
(looking fondly at Scully) Oh, it was wonderful. We just spooned up and fell asleep like little baby cats. Isn't that right, Honeybunch?
(forced smile) That's right, Poopyhead.
All right, then, let's see. Basketball hoop and backboard. Portable. Nope, I'm sorry. It's not allowed.
You're kidding?
I'm afraid not. Rules are rules. It may not sound like anything-- a simple basketball hoop-- but from there, it's just a few short steps to spinning daisy reflectors and a bass boat in the driveway.
In other words, anarchy.
Sweetheart? Did you use the dolphin-safe tuna this time?
Dolphin-safe all the way, Honey.
We always use the dolphin-safe.
(eating) You've got to love those dolphins ... although they're pretty tasty, too.
[Win and Cami look shocked and horrified; Scully laughs awkwardly to try to break the tension.]
So... where'd you two meet?
[Scully opens her mouth to speak but is interrupted by Mulder.]
Actually, it was at a UFO conference.
Flying saucers? Interesting. Wouldn't have thought you folks would have been into that.
(puts arm around Scully) Well, it's not me so much as Laura. She's quite the New-Ager. I mean, she's into those magnetic bracelets and crystals and mood rings, what have you. I mean, God bless her she's a sucker for all that stuff.
Well, I wouldn't have guessed that, would you?
Mm-mm.
(fake smile) No kidding.
Yeah, there's no sign of him in his house. I didn't see him in the storm drain, either. I take it he's dead, Scully.
(correcting him, from the bathroom) Laura.
[Mulder sarcastically mouths "Okay.")
(from the bathroom) Mulder, speaking of cleaning up, whoever taught you how to squeeze a tube of toothpaste? (Her arm, coming from the bathroom doorway, shows him the tube squeezed in the middle; he ignores it)
Hey, what do we know about this stuff?
I'm driving down to San Diego tomorrow and have it analyzed.
All right.
Third warning: (sound of toilet seat falling) Toilet seat. (toilet flushes)
(sprawls out on the bed) Why kill Big Mike? (Scully comes out of the bathroom wearing a bright green mud mask; Mulder looks up and is startled) Whoa!
What's missing here is intent. What would be the motive? (throws sweatshirt at his head)
Compulsive neatness, or a lack thereof. Have you noticed how everybody around here is obsessed with the neighborhood rules and the CC&Rs? You know what? You fit in really well here.
(pointedly looking at him lying on the bed) And you don't.
(adjusting the pillows) Well, anyway, tomorrow I got a, uh, a surefire way of testing out my theory. (pats the bed beside him seductively; waggles his eyebrows at her; she raises her eyebrows; he tries coaxing) Come on, Laura, you know... we're married now.
(correcting) Scully, Mulder. Good night.
(gets up and takes a pillow; pauses next to her; looks very serious) The thrill is gone. (Scully sighs)
[Mulder has just put a pink plastic flamingo in the front yard; looks around confidently and pumps his fists]
Bring it on.
Look, Mulder, huge creatures aside do you care to hear what I think?
(not quite sarcastic) Always.
(walking in to the X-Files office, where Mulder is pinning pictures to the wall) Aren't you going home?
(not turning around) I am home. I'm just feathering the nest.
(looking through the file) What happened to the dog?
(sitting close to her) Dog gone... Dog gone... (proudly) Doggone.
(dryly) Yeah, I got it.
(stares at him) You're not going to tell me that a dog did this.
(sounding serious, but grinning) A bad dog.
(looking in the crate) What did you find?
Nothing conclusive, really, but I can tell you the dog's not likely still on the ship.
How did you determine that?
You ever owned a dog, sir?
Yeah.
Had to clean up after it? (Mulder grins and agrees)
I don't suppose you can tell us what kind of dog this is.
I'm not really sure. The man it was shipped to's name is Detweiler. Dr. Ian Detweiler. Calls himself a "cryptozoologist."
(interested) Cryptozoologist?
They deal with animals thought to be extinct.
(continuing) Animals that aren't supposed to exist like Sasquatch and the Ogopogo and the Abominable Snowman and-
(interrupting) Don't mind him. He'll go on forever.
Jake Conroy, age 30. He was employed as a customs agent by the Federal Government. The bite marks match those of the victims on the Chinese freighter. In this case, it bit off the man's hand. There's some talk in the house that he may be involved in the theft of the animal and that it turned on him.
Talk about biting the hand that feeds you.
I think we're speaking in too common terms about an animal we're calling a dog but which displays none of the behavior of man's best friend.
You mean covering up crime scenes?
(smiles) You get a biscuit, Scully.
You two looking for Karin about boarding?
No, it's actually more of a behavior problem.
(glancing up at Mulder) Yeah, he doesn't listen and he chews on the furniture.
(reading some of Karin's book titles) Ah. "The Wolf Inside." "Dogs Don't Lie." "Better Than Human." (pause) "Better Than Human?"
(shrugging apologetically) She's not a real people person.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The X-Files pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
